My mother has been visiting so you know that had to be weird and uncomfortable. soon after settling into my apartment and literally taking over every inch of my bathroom and bedroom....
she proceeded to inquire about my love life or lack thereof, and like a typical Nigerian woman she told me that i better find a nice Nigerian boy soon because my shelf life was expiring.....
i looked at her and asked her why she didn't do the same, after all dad is not Nigerian. she said
"well i married for love. if i was smarter i would have found a nice rich society boy"
all this said with a straight face. that woman na wa for her. sometimes i wonder if she really is my mother!
the pressure to get married and move back home started right after i finished university while most other parents were telling their children to expand their cv's and go to graduate school my annoying mother and aunties were telling me to find husband and stop dating all these "foreigners". as if finding some rich wanker will solve all my life problems. my mother interjects that i wont have to worry about money, the way she goes on you would think that my father was a pauper. but i think all her new Lagos society friends are influencing her way of thinking, all of a sudden she want to wear the most expensive lace and have a different set of jewelry every weekend for a different wedding she just "has" to attend. its getting quite tiresome. so having her in my apartment for the past ten days on top of hiding my girlfriend from her...
of course i couldnt do that to her!
....actually it might be funny but i decided to spare her the heart attack. i have been consoling Miss B which in its self is getting irritating.
i have had it.
this is getting exhausting, i cant wait for my mother to leave my house! and soon!
otherwise i will actually loose my marbles!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
i am infatuated with someone...
this is very unlike me to be having a crush at my age .....but for some reason i have the biggest high school crush on one of the artists that we are interested in showing his work, my lord! he is beautiful and sexy. you know how a man is when he is so sure of himself and confident? borderline cocky but oh! so sexy! yeah i am silly and i cant even help myself from blushing like an idiot whenever i speak to him. i remember the first time i met him i could not tear my eyes off his lips, he kept talking and i was just looking at him.thinking damn! your parents did good!
his work is fantastic, i have managed to slow down the timing and process of having his art in the gallery,all the more reason to have him come in.
he is African-American, a beautiful shade of brown, with long dreadlocks, a face that is so symetrical
lips, body, eyes...gawd! he is fine...ok enough of that, i think i just need some dick in my life right about now.
how have you guys been?
this is very unlike me to be having a crush at my age .....but for some reason i have the biggest high school crush on one of the artists that we are interested in showing his work, my lord! he is beautiful and sexy. you know how a man is when he is so sure of himself and confident? borderline cocky but oh! so sexy! yeah i am silly and i cant even help myself from blushing like an idiot whenever i speak to him. i remember the first time i met him i could not tear my eyes off his lips, he kept talking and i was just looking at him.thinking damn! your parents did good!
his work is fantastic, i have managed to slow down the timing and process of having his art in the gallery,all the more reason to have him come in.
he is African-American, a beautiful shade of brown, with long dreadlocks, a face that is so symetrical
lips, body, eyes...gawd! he is fine...ok enough of that, i think i just need some dick in my life right about now.
how have you guys been?
Monday, July 23, 2007
going forward backwards
After that night of make up sex,we spent the entire weekend in bed. making love and fucking. i don't know which i like better,but i like both! we talked about everything. how she felt,how i felt. i was not one hundred percent upfront about telling my friends though. i told her with time.when in all honesty i do not plan on telling them,but then again isn't that deceiving my self?how long can i hide her?
besides that we had fun, she made me cook her jollof rice and stew. see this oyinbo o! she ate it with relish and made little comments like i cant wait to come to Africa if the food is this good...(that one i smiled while choking on my rice) but i humored her and said of course babes, when the time is right. i don't like it when she talks about the future in such a casual manner. i don't think she realizes the culture i come from will not even comprehend our relationship talk less of my mother,my father might be more accommodating,since we all know that his cousin is a closet queen, with his farce of a marriage.
back to the point, we settled everything and now we are just going to take things slow in regards to the public thing,till i can deal with the idea better. she was being very accommodating and understanding with the new terms of our relationship i must say and i felt bad because i know that i am making her go backwards in her life,all the things she has had to deal with and having reached a point in her life where she can be open about who she is and here i am making her revert to an early part in her life where her sexuality was a shameful thing to be hidden.i hate doing this to her,but it is also her choice,she could have always stayed away,but she chose to come back knowing all the issues she would have to deal with. i am not ready to rearrange my own life to satisfy her right now,as selfish as that sounds, its me looking out for me. gosh i sound so selfish....
besides that we had fun, she made me cook her jollof rice and stew. see this oyinbo o! she ate it with relish and made little comments like i cant wait to come to Africa if the food is this good...(that one i smiled while choking on my rice) but i humored her and said of course babes, when the time is right. i don't like it when she talks about the future in such a casual manner. i don't think she realizes the culture i come from will not even comprehend our relationship talk less of my mother,my father might be more accommodating,since we all know that his cousin is a closet queen, with his farce of a marriage.
back to the point, we settled everything and now we are just going to take things slow in regards to the public thing,till i can deal with the idea better. she was being very accommodating and understanding with the new terms of our relationship i must say and i felt bad because i know that i am making her go backwards in her life,all the things she has had to deal with and having reached a point in her life where she can be open about who she is and here i am making her revert to an early part in her life where her sexuality was a shameful thing to be hidden.i hate doing this to her,but it is also her choice,she could have always stayed away,but she chose to come back knowing all the issues she would have to deal with. i am not ready to rearrange my own life to satisfy her right now,as selfish as that sounds, its me looking out for me. gosh i sound so selfish....
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
la petit mort
we made love that evening.slow and gentle. soft and tender. passionate and intense. i cried. i have never cried during sex before but the emotions i had held bottled in and intense feelings brought tears to my eyes. i didn't realize i was tearing up until she looked into my eyes and wiped my cheeks and then she started kissing my face while she penetrated me with her hands. deep and long thrusts that rubbed my walls and stroked my G- spot. she kept kissing me and looking into my eyes as she did this, then she pulled me upwards so that our legs were wrapped around each other and we both had access to each other.we fucked each other in the same rhythm slow at first and then faster and faster till she came first, she came strong and hard,her body was quivering,yet she still kept pumping into me till i felt a warm rush and tingles all over my body and then i came soon after.
with dew-like sweat shrouding our flesh we kept on going with no recovery period,our hunger for each other preventing us from stopping,i could not get enough of her.
she turned me around and started fucking me from the back it was not long till i shuddered with ecstasy. i moved to the edge of the bed and knelt down and pulled her legs around my neck roughly. buried my head into the middle of her thighs and licked and drank in all of her. she was withering,moaning and groaning...but i wanted to make her come hard, so i placed a finger in her while i ate her, her legs began to shake, i used another finger to stroke her perineum. she started to thrash and shake and kept muttering in that sexy voice "oh fuck...oh fuck.."and came hard and strong clenching her thighs hard together, i felt the waves take over her lithe body. i pulled away and watched her recover from her petit mort.
i climbed back onto the bed and gazed at her. taking in all of her flawlessness, her body is so fascinating,so beautiful with all the right curves. her skin is so beautifully olive and soft. her hair is wavy and amazing even though she wishes it was curly like mine. her legs are so long and blemish free. her stomach flat and firm from those yoga classes she attends religiously.
she notices me watching her and makes a bashful lame effort to cover her breasts before my eyes went there. i smile and remove her hands, replace them with mine and proceed to rub her nipples till they got hard again and then i got turned on again and started sucking on her breasts, she pulls me up and laughs,"your insatiable today?!" i nod and continue. she moves and gets up.pulls my hands and leads me to the bathroom. "lets have a shower, i feel sticky"she said.
i smile.... she turns on the shower we go in and before i know it we are at it again, fucking each other hard. her breasts pressed against mine her thighs rubbing against mine, then she turns me around and pressed me against the shower wall, knelt down and ate me out from the back. i don't know if it is the water or the heat but it felt so amazing having her lips on me that way.i pulled her up and we face each other and just kiss and touch each other, we start to rub each others clits till we both have orgasms almost simultaneously. we wash each other up, step out,wipe each other off. put on some old t-shirts and make eggs.....
with dew-like sweat shrouding our flesh we kept on going with no recovery period,our hunger for each other preventing us from stopping,i could not get enough of her.
she turned me around and started fucking me from the back it was not long till i shuddered with ecstasy. i moved to the edge of the bed and knelt down and pulled her legs around my neck roughly. buried my head into the middle of her thighs and licked and drank in all of her. she was withering,moaning and groaning...but i wanted to make her come hard, so i placed a finger in her while i ate her, her legs began to shake, i used another finger to stroke her perineum. she started to thrash and shake and kept muttering in that sexy voice "oh fuck...oh fuck.."and came hard and strong clenching her thighs hard together, i felt the waves take over her lithe body. i pulled away and watched her recover from her petit mort.
i climbed back onto the bed and gazed at her. taking in all of her flawlessness, her body is so fascinating,so beautiful with all the right curves. her skin is so beautifully olive and soft. her hair is wavy and amazing even though she wishes it was curly like mine. her legs are so long and blemish free. her stomach flat and firm from those yoga classes she attends religiously.
she notices me watching her and makes a bashful lame effort to cover her breasts before my eyes went there. i smile and remove her hands, replace them with mine and proceed to rub her nipples till they got hard again and then i got turned on again and started sucking on her breasts, she pulls me up and laughs,"your insatiable today?!" i nod and continue. she moves and gets up.pulls my hands and leads me to the bathroom. "lets have a shower, i feel sticky"she said.
i smile.... she turns on the shower we go in and before i know it we are at it again, fucking each other hard. her breasts pressed against mine her thighs rubbing against mine, then she turns me around and pressed me against the shower wall, knelt down and ate me out from the back. i don't know if it is the water or the heat but it felt so amazing having her lips on me that way.i pulled her up and we face each other and just kiss and touch each other, we start to rub each others clits till we both have orgasms almost simultaneously. we wash each other up, step out,wipe each other off. put on some old t-shirts and make eggs.....
Monday, July 9, 2007
lavender, vanilla and those orange blossoms
on Friday at work, as i was trying to be keep myself busy,i got a knock on my door, Emily the girl that works at the front of the gallery came in to tell me that i had a visitor. i looked at my appointment book with a scowl,it was almost lunch time,i wasn't trying to see anyone, and i was hoping that ghastly French lady wasn't here yet! she wasn't meant to come in till 2! with a frown on my face i trudge to the reception waiting area,and who do i see there?
her. miss beautiful sitting there.just looking at me. looking adorable, i invited her into my office. what did she want? after ignoring my efforts for that long she had the audacity to come to my office. i kept quiet, and let her talk. conversation went like this.
MB: baby i am so sorry
LN: sorry for what? for making me look like a fool? calling you like a desperate fool? why are you sorry.what do you want?
MB: baby i didn't want to ignore you,i just didn't have anything nice to say to you then,and i care about you too much to say hurtful things to you.i needed to work things out for myself too.
LN: you still did not answer my question. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MB: i want you back in my life luminous. please. you are so special to me. i love being with you. you make me happy and i know i overreacted. i have never been with a woman that did not feel proud of me. i also think it hurt me so much because i am falling for you. i thought that by avoiding you i would get over it.but the more that i stayed away.the more i missed you and realized that you are all that i want.
LN: i missed you too! never do that to me again.
i grabbed her and hugged her and buried my face in her hair and inhaled those orange blossom, lavender and vanilla scent that floats around her. she pulled away and apologized again and i did too. she hushed me and told me not to worry,she wont pressure me. in my own time. she kissed me and told me that she will come to my place later in the evening........
her. miss beautiful sitting there.just looking at me. looking adorable, i invited her into my office. what did she want? after ignoring my efforts for that long she had the audacity to come to my office. i kept quiet, and let her talk. conversation went like this.
MB: baby i am so sorry
LN: sorry for what? for making me look like a fool? calling you like a desperate fool? why are you sorry.what do you want?
MB: baby i didn't want to ignore you,i just didn't have anything nice to say to you then,and i care about you too much to say hurtful things to you.i needed to work things out for myself too.
LN: you still did not answer my question. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MB: i want you back in my life luminous. please. you are so special to me. i love being with you. you make me happy and i know i overreacted. i have never been with a woman that did not feel proud of me. i also think it hurt me so much because i am falling for you. i thought that by avoiding you i would get over it.but the more that i stayed away.the more i missed you and realized that you are all that i want.
LN: i missed you too! never do that to me again.
i grabbed her and hugged her and buried my face in her hair and inhaled those orange blossom, lavender and vanilla scent that floats around her. she pulled away and apologized again and i did too. she hushed me and told me not to worry,she wont pressure me. in my own time. she kissed me and told me that she will come to my place later in the evening........
Friday, June 29, 2007
bleak
its late and i can not sleep. i have been very busy with work. i have been immersing myself in piles and piles of paperwork,things i could pass on to someone else,but i need the distraction. i need something to occupy me otherwise i will begin to feel sorry for myself and lament over how pathetic i am.but that has never been my style.but as it has become apparent, i find myself acting outside of my character a lot these days. have i spoken to her?No i have not. i swallowed my pride,i called her.not once,not twice,many times......borderline creepy.
her cell phone,her house,her work number
.nothing.
all i get are voice mail boxes and stupid assistants telling me to fuck off. i have never been dumped/brushed off in my life so coldly.
fuck.
i am angry,i am hurt and i am kicking myself in the ass. one part of me is telling me to get a grip and move on and stop being a baby,after all we have not been seeing each other very long.there is also another part of me that cant forget so easily.and that part of me wants this thing to at least end in a different manner. the absurdity of the whole situation is just not sitting well with me. i am determined to at least talk to her properly and attempt to sort things out or say good-bye in a more civilized manner.
it is really hard,i miss her,but i find myself wanting to call her and tell her when something odd or funny happens,it hurts even more that i can not tell anyone how hurt i am feeling.i have to just bottle it up inside or share it on this blog. what a sad existence...hiding my 'shame', and suffering in silence...
i cant get over how cruel she was. that was a side of her i never noticed,she doesn't have a mean streak in her.but could she be vindictive? is she one of those people that keep things inside and implode?i am still scratching my head over her outburst.i must admit that i was a bit taken aback and lost for words,not cowardly but you need to understand she is very laid back,reserved and calm,to see her loose her cool like that was albeit bizarre. unexpected. i honestly did not see it coming.....
her cell phone,her house,her work number
.nothing.
all i get are voice mail boxes and stupid assistants telling me to fuck off. i have never been dumped/brushed off in my life so coldly.
fuck.
i am angry,i am hurt and i am kicking myself in the ass. one part of me is telling me to get a grip and move on and stop being a baby,after all we have not been seeing each other very long.there is also another part of me that cant forget so easily.and that part of me wants this thing to at least end in a different manner. the absurdity of the whole situation is just not sitting well with me. i am determined to at least talk to her properly and attempt to sort things out or say good-bye in a more civilized manner.
it is really hard,i miss her,but i find myself wanting to call her and tell her when something odd or funny happens,it hurts even more that i can not tell anyone how hurt i am feeling.i have to just bottle it up inside or share it on this blog. what a sad existence...hiding my 'shame', and suffering in silence...
i cant get over how cruel she was. that was a side of her i never noticed,she doesn't have a mean streak in her.but could she be vindictive? is she one of those people that keep things inside and implode?i am still scratching my head over her outburst.i must admit that i was a bit taken aback and lost for words,not cowardly but you need to understand she is very laid back,reserved and calm,to see her loose her cool like that was albeit bizarre. unexpected. i honestly did not see it coming.....
Monday, June 18, 2007
pandoras box opens
I met her friends for the first time on Friday. it was nice. it was weird. it was weird and nice all at the same time. they are all successful beautiful lesbian women. warm and obviously protective of their friend. they know this is my first relationship with a woman and it was obvious they were skeptical of me,which is understandable. i could be going through a phase and be trying out their friend for size. so of course the initial part of the encounter was awkward as they grilled me, asking me questions about my work,where i went to school( i felt i was at a job interview,but i guess they wanted to be sure i was not trying to suck Miss B dry financially), my culture etc,
but as they noticed that i was of no harm or danger to her or them,they warmed up to me. scary experience. but totally worth it. dinner went well. i knew i had won them over..
when we got back to her place, i was taking my jewelry off and wiping off my eye makeup,while she was in the bathroom running the shower and brushing her hair, suddenly she walks in to the bedroom and faces the mirror i am looking into,so i can see her entire naked body just standing there.i keep my eyes on her and she retains eye contact with me.
"well luminous, what did you think of my friends?"
"oh! i thought they were spectacular! i especially loved Jackie and Laurie,what a beautiful couple,they were very nice,you are blessed to have such friends."
"i know. "
(silence)
i keep on doing what i was doing,then i notice she is still there just staring at me. i turn around.
"why are you looking at me that way?"
"when am i going to meet your friends?"
"uhmmm,soon."
"soon like when? next week? next month?next year?" when?"
"i dont know, when the time is right i will tell them. i just dont feel comfortable yet......"
"oh! i get it now, you are ashamed of me,thats what it is. scared of your secret lesbian fuck? you dont want the world to think you are a dyke? is that what it is?
"what are you going on about? its not even about that! why cant you understand that this isn't easy for me, i want them to meet you but i am scared!"
"then i will make your life easy for you then. please leave.now."
"just like that? just like that you want to end this over my friends?"
"look,i don't need some silly confused straight girl hiding me and keeping me a secret. you mean so much to me and i want to share everything with you, i want to hold your hand in public, but i can not because you wont let me. i have gotten to this point in my life and i do not want to be held back.dont you understand?"
"ok, i guess i will leave now then..."
"fine."
with that she went back into the steaming bathroom and slammed the door,while i packed up what i could and left. wondering if this is really the end or if it just our first fight.
but as they noticed that i was of no harm or danger to her or them,they warmed up to me. scary experience. but totally worth it. dinner went well. i knew i had won them over..
when we got back to her place, i was taking my jewelry off and wiping off my eye makeup,while she was in the bathroom running the shower and brushing her hair, suddenly she walks in to the bedroom and faces the mirror i am looking into,so i can see her entire naked body just standing there.i keep my eyes on her and she retains eye contact with me.
"well luminous, what did you think of my friends?"
"oh! i thought they were spectacular! i especially loved Jackie and Laurie,what a beautiful couple,they were very nice,you are blessed to have such friends."
"i know. "
(silence)
i keep on doing what i was doing,then i notice she is still there just staring at me. i turn around.
"why are you looking at me that way?"
"when am i going to meet your friends?"
"uhmmm,soon."
"soon like when? next week? next month?next year?" when?"
"i dont know, when the time is right i will tell them. i just dont feel comfortable yet......"
"oh! i get it now, you are ashamed of me,thats what it is. scared of your secret lesbian fuck? you dont want the world to think you are a dyke? is that what it is?
"what are you going on about? its not even about that! why cant you understand that this isn't easy for me, i want them to meet you but i am scared!"
"then i will make your life easy for you then. please leave.now."
"just like that? just like that you want to end this over my friends?"
"look,i don't need some silly confused straight girl hiding me and keeping me a secret. you mean so much to me and i want to share everything with you, i want to hold your hand in public, but i can not because you wont let me. i have gotten to this point in my life and i do not want to be held back.dont you understand?"
"ok, i guess i will leave now then..."
"fine."
with that she went back into the steaming bathroom and slammed the door,while i packed up what i could and left. wondering if this is really the end or if it just our first fight.
Monday, June 11, 2007
brunch
at brunch on Saturday, miss beautiful suggested that we have dinner with her friends soon,she would make the reservations at the restaurant. to be honest i do not want to meet her friends,for many reasons,
i am afraid they would judge me
they will only see me as the straight girl that is confusing their friend.
how do i get out of this,i struggled to find excuses,but when i looked into her eyes i saw she really wanted it. urggggggggghhhhhh!why cant i say no?i guess i will go along with it. i just hope that she isn't trying to meet my friends as well,because that isn't going to happen.
all of a sudden my poached eggs looked revolting and my appetite disappeared.
i am afraid they would judge me
they will only see me as the straight girl that is confusing their friend.
how do i get out of this,i struggled to find excuses,but when i looked into her eyes i saw she really wanted it. urggggggggghhhhhh!why cant i say no?i guess i will go along with it. i just hope that she isn't trying to meet my friends as well,because that isn't going to happen.
all of a sudden my poached eggs looked revolting and my appetite disappeared.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
bang bang
i was standing on the balcony at a very pretentious party with a lot of pretentious people, you had been looking at me all night like you could see through my clingy flesh colored dress, the look in your eyes read pure lust. i knew i had to have you, and your eyes said the same
"fuck your date, meet me outside" your eyes said.
i was out there thinking you wont show,and then you came behind me and i felt that heat coming through your black pants. i didn't look back but after feeling what i felt i knew i had to have you...and soon, we walked outside like it was so natural for us to walk together. when we got behind the cherry blossoms you turned me around and planted kisses all over my face, and then you found my lips and latched on and kissed me deep,hard,rough and painful almost a promise of the way you were going to do my body.
you lifted my dress up gruffly and your rough hands stroked my thighs and pushed my soaking wet panties to one side slid your fingers into my wet pussy, it felt so good,i begged you to fuck me. you didn't hesitate and i didn't give you room to hesitate, i already started unbuckling your belt, next thing you had shoved your hot throbbing dick into my waiting pussy which sucked you in like a vacuum, i felt so much pleasure and intensity from being fucked hard and deep standing up, i felt it deep in my stomach. the thickness of your cock rubbed against my dripping pussy walls.
i moaned and yelped as you worked that dick deep into the upper echelons of my pussy you stifled my screams with your hands, i was getting too loud, just as i was about to orgasm i felt myself being shaken, i opened my eyes to see Miss B looking worried. "are you alright baby? you were screaming? its alright baby it was just a bad dream" kissed my forehead pulled me close to her and spooned me
"fuck your date, meet me outside" your eyes said.
i was out there thinking you wont show,and then you came behind me and i felt that heat coming through your black pants. i didn't look back but after feeling what i felt i knew i had to have you...and soon, we walked outside like it was so natural for us to walk together. when we got behind the cherry blossoms you turned me around and planted kisses all over my face, and then you found my lips and latched on and kissed me deep,hard,rough and painful almost a promise of the way you were going to do my body.
you lifted my dress up gruffly and your rough hands stroked my thighs and pushed my soaking wet panties to one side slid your fingers into my wet pussy, it felt so good,i begged you to fuck me. you didn't hesitate and i didn't give you room to hesitate, i already started unbuckling your belt, next thing you had shoved your hot throbbing dick into my waiting pussy which sucked you in like a vacuum, i felt so much pleasure and intensity from being fucked hard and deep standing up, i felt it deep in my stomach. the thickness of your cock rubbed against my dripping pussy walls.
i moaned and yelped as you worked that dick deep into the upper echelons of my pussy you stifled my screams with your hands, i was getting too loud, just as i was about to orgasm i felt myself being shaken, i opened my eyes to see Miss B looking worried. "are you alright baby? you were screaming? its alright baby it was just a bad dream" kissed my forehead pulled me close to her and spooned me
Thursday, May 24, 2007
route sixty nine
Miss B and i took the day off work yesterday. we packed a picnic basket filled with bagels, pear jelly, honey, Gouda cheese, roast chicken slices, pineapple and watermelon slices, root beers and a bottle of champagne. went to the park and found an isolated spot under a large oak tree and placed a blanket on the grass and lay down staring at the clouds.
i turned and looked at her, this woman that i am taking this narrow road with. noticing the way her dark eyes looked almost amber when the sun shone through them. and the flawlessness of her tan skin and her smooth body. the way her chest heaved when she breathed and lifted those fantastic orbs into my vision. her short dress raised up so i could see her inner thigh and a glance of her white lacy knickers peeking and begging to come fully into sight from underneath her yellow sun dress. i got so turned on just looking at how beautiful she is and how sexy she is even when she isn't trying to be, with no makeup and hair loose and wild; i had to have her right there and then. the thought that someone might find our little hideout did not cross my mind well it made the idea seem even more erotic. i placed my hands on her thighs and started to stroke them till my hands reached the edge of her knickers. i moved them to one side and placed my fingers on her clit and felt her get wet at my touch. she started to moan which turned me on even more, i rubbed and stroked her like i had never before... she pulled me on top of her and kissed me hard and roughly pushed my cotton skirt up and grabbed and squeezed my ass. i could sense that she was hungry for me just as much as i was for her. she placed her fingers in me while i still stimulated her clit,we looked into each others eyes and i knew what that look meant. i spun around and right there and then we perform oral sex on each other otherwise known as 69. yummy.....
when we took each other high and above, i rolled off her and looked at each other and started laughing,for no reason other than the fact that we did that in the freaking park where anyone could have seen us. she opened the bottle of champagne and we proceeded to drink and eat and talk about every and anything.
during the drive back home while she stared out of the window and i drove, i knew that i wanted to be with her.and not just as a fling but be with her properly.. i dont know if that makes sense but she makes me feel so....real.......so........ wonderful and alive....no man had made me feel like i was his equal. it feels so right being with her. its days like this that makes the guilt and shame and issues seem non existent. i am happy....
i turned and looked at her, this woman that i am taking this narrow road with. noticing the way her dark eyes looked almost amber when the sun shone through them. and the flawlessness of her tan skin and her smooth body. the way her chest heaved when she breathed and lifted those fantastic orbs into my vision. her short dress raised up so i could see her inner thigh and a glance of her white lacy knickers peeking and begging to come fully into sight from underneath her yellow sun dress. i got so turned on just looking at how beautiful she is and how sexy she is even when she isn't trying to be, with no makeup and hair loose and wild; i had to have her right there and then. the thought that someone might find our little hideout did not cross my mind well it made the idea seem even more erotic. i placed my hands on her thighs and started to stroke them till my hands reached the edge of her knickers. i moved them to one side and placed my fingers on her clit and felt her get wet at my touch. she started to moan which turned me on even more, i rubbed and stroked her like i had never before... she pulled me on top of her and kissed me hard and roughly pushed my cotton skirt up and grabbed and squeezed my ass. i could sense that she was hungry for me just as much as i was for her. she placed her fingers in me while i still stimulated her clit,we looked into each others eyes and i knew what that look meant. i spun around and right there and then we perform oral sex on each other otherwise known as 69. yummy.....
when we took each other high and above, i rolled off her and looked at each other and started laughing,for no reason other than the fact that we did that in the freaking park where anyone could have seen us. she opened the bottle of champagne and we proceeded to drink and eat and talk about every and anything.
during the drive back home while she stared out of the window and i drove, i knew that i wanted to be with her.and not just as a fling but be with her properly.. i dont know if that makes sense but she makes me feel so....real.......so........ wonderful and alive....no man had made me feel like i was his equal. it feels so right being with her. its days like this that makes the guilt and shame and issues seem non existent. i am happy....
Monday, May 21, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
i like your ways...
i like the way you kiss me and touch me and stroke me.
i like the way your hands travel over my regions exploring every inch of my body,
i like the way you whisper sweet nothings and filthy words into my ears
i like the way your moist lips brush against my ears when you tell me how you want to fuck me,
i like the way you can make me wet with just words,
i like the way your mouth feels on my neck,breasts,thighs, pussy.
i like the way your warm tongue flicks over my clit.
i like the way you touch my ass, stroke my ass, grab my ass,tap my ass.
i like the way your hands have the power to control my body and find places within me i didn't know existed.
i like the way you make me scream while you tickle my g-spot and i arch my back in pleasure.
i like the way you look surprised when i push you downwards and torture you the way you do me.
i like the way your body shakes and your thighs vibrate while i taste you,
i like the way you moan and groan while i take you high,
i love the way you have convulsions and dig your nails into my back when you orgasm.
i love the way you are when you are satisfied but yet insatiable.
i love the way your hair trails onto my stomach as you head downwards for more.
i like the way your hands travel over my regions exploring every inch of my body,
i like the way you whisper sweet nothings and filthy words into my ears
i like the way your moist lips brush against my ears when you tell me how you want to fuck me,
i like the way you can make me wet with just words,
i like the way your mouth feels on my neck,breasts,thighs, pussy.
i like the way your warm tongue flicks over my clit.
i like the way you touch my ass, stroke my ass, grab my ass,tap my ass.
i like the way your hands have the power to control my body and find places within me i didn't know existed.
i like the way you make me scream while you tickle my g-spot and i arch my back in pleasure.
i like the way you look surprised when i push you downwards and torture you the way you do me.
i like the way your body shakes and your thighs vibrate while i taste you,
i like the way you moan and groan while i take you high,
i love the way you have convulsions and dig your nails into my back when you orgasm.
i love the way you are when you are satisfied but yet insatiable.
i love the way your hair trails onto my stomach as you head downwards for more.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
breaking the speed limit
the dynamics of dating someone within the same sex as you is different,well for me they are. there were certain rules and guidelines i followed when i dated a guy,you know...... play hard to get, the phone games, making him wait for it blah blah blah,but with a woman it seems easier. its apparent you both like and want each other and all those games are non-existent.
is that good or bad? or am i so used to playing mind games that the lack of it is frightening?
Relationships between women(this is all my own perception) seem to move rather fast. since there are no games involved, and discussing feelings isn't a scary topic,what each other want is done with immediacy. i leave my stuff at her place without feeling like i am imposing or being too "forward". she leaves stuff at mine and i don't freak out and feel claustrophobic like i normally would. and obviously... sex. Sex is not something that was held back on. and this makes me wonder if that is the reason our relationship catapulted from dating to coupledom in a very brief period of time.
as comfortable as i am getting, i can not help but feel that there needs to be some boundaries in this relationship, otherwise i am going to lose all sense of self. the other day she suggested that in a couple months i should move in with her or better yet we should get a place together...hmmmm now that is something i would never do with a man especially in the beginning of a relationship.
but is that normal when women date?
they move in together,so soon? i love my space and independence,but i cant help but wonder whether it is what is expected?
its all too much to take in. i mean i love spending time with her but i must be honest i don't know too much about her, in other relationships i took things slow and steady, yet here i am practically living with her and acting completely out of my character. but then again i completely stepped out of my comfort zone by dating her but should i throw away all the other things i once believed in just because my new lover is woman? do the rules still apply or were they rubbish in the first place?
would my lesbian lover understand that i want to bring in those aspects of my heterosexual life into her homosexual world?
.........sigh..... questions......questions..... questions.......
is that good or bad? or am i so used to playing mind games that the lack of it is frightening?
Relationships between women(this is all my own perception) seem to move rather fast. since there are no games involved, and discussing feelings isn't a scary topic,what each other want is done with immediacy. i leave my stuff at her place without feeling like i am imposing or being too "forward". she leaves stuff at mine and i don't freak out and feel claustrophobic like i normally would. and obviously... sex. Sex is not something that was held back on. and this makes me wonder if that is the reason our relationship catapulted from dating to coupledom in a very brief period of time.
as comfortable as i am getting, i can not help but feel that there needs to be some boundaries in this relationship, otherwise i am going to lose all sense of self. the other day she suggested that in a couple months i should move in with her or better yet we should get a place together...hmmmm now that is something i would never do with a man especially in the beginning of a relationship.
but is that normal when women date?
they move in together,so soon? i love my space and independence,but i cant help but wonder whether it is what is expected?
its all too much to take in. i mean i love spending time with her but i must be honest i don't know too much about her, in other relationships i took things slow and steady, yet here i am practically living with her and acting completely out of my character. but then again i completely stepped out of my comfort zone by dating her but should i throw away all the other things i once believed in just because my new lover is woman? do the rules still apply or were they rubbish in the first place?
would my lesbian lover understand that i want to bring in those aspects of my heterosexual life into her homosexual world?
.........sigh..... questions......questions..... questions.......
Monday, May 7, 2007
The Bottecelli Venus
i had my first bout of jealousy. we were in her apartment going through photographs, she was showing me pictures of her life chronicling from early childhood,gawky preteens,ravishing teen years,college and her early twenties and the present.
her life was set in various backgrounds and locations. she had lived a full and exciting life. In the photographs from her early twenties,there was a face that i started to notice appear more and more, and then more intimate and loving photographs of this woman, the way she was photographed in some shots made me know she was a lover. it was apparent that whoever took those pictures loved her. there was one where she was looking away into the distance and the way the light played on her face and the sun made her brown eyes appear golden, and the wind blowing her hair across her face with a strand sweeping her small lips made her look like Botticelli's Venus. I felt the cold hands of jealousy wrap around my chest. of course i had to know so i casually asked her
"who is this?"
"oh thats 'Sharon'.my ex."
finito.
no extra information. i pried further,
"oh how long did you date.?"
"a couple of years."
i wanted to know more.
"what happened?"
"sweetheart can we not talk about her please. she is the past you are the present."
i shrug my shoulders and keep flipping through the album. silently observing this person. she was stunning i must say, in a very exotic way,i wouldn't call her beautiful, but she was attractive, blond with very sharp cheekbones and slanty eyes,probably some sort of Asian mixed with white.hmmm.tall too like Miss B. very thin,unlike me.
does that mean i am not her usual type? feelings of lacking and insignificance take over me. i sadly put the album away and go sulk in the bedroom. if this "Sharon" person is the past why the hell is she fucking up my present frame of mind?
her life was set in various backgrounds and locations. she had lived a full and exciting life. In the photographs from her early twenties,there was a face that i started to notice appear more and more, and then more intimate and loving photographs of this woman, the way she was photographed in some shots made me know she was a lover. it was apparent that whoever took those pictures loved her. there was one where she was looking away into the distance and the way the light played on her face and the sun made her brown eyes appear golden, and the wind blowing her hair across her face with a strand sweeping her small lips made her look like Botticelli's Venus. I felt the cold hands of jealousy wrap around my chest. of course i had to know so i casually asked her
"who is this?"
"oh thats 'Sharon'.my ex."
finito.
no extra information. i pried further,
"oh how long did you date.?"
"a couple of years."
i wanted to know more.
"what happened?"
"sweetheart can we not talk about her please. she is the past you are the present."
i shrug my shoulders and keep flipping through the album. silently observing this person. she was stunning i must say, in a very exotic way,i wouldn't call her beautiful, but she was attractive, blond with very sharp cheekbones and slanty eyes,probably some sort of Asian mixed with white.hmmm.tall too like Miss B. very thin,unlike me.
does that mean i am not her usual type? feelings of lacking and insignificance take over me. i sadly put the album away and go sulk in the bedroom. if this "Sharon" person is the past why the hell is she fucking up my present frame of mind?
Das Leban der Anderen
I saw the most amazing movie ever last night. i have to say its the best thing i have watched all year,considering i have been dragged to see every blockbuster piece of rubbish that has been released from the torture of The Reaping to the confusion and mild amusement at Blades of Glory my brain could not take such rubbish anymore.
so i finally satisfied my craving for a fucking good movie and saw.....no it was not that superhero flick Spider man 3 people are wasting money on, it was a movie called The Lives of others. Also known as : "Das Leben der Anderen" brilliant stuff people!! go see it!! its German and i can not believe that this was under my nose the whole time and i saw so much crap this year. i know i am not a movie critic nor is that what i would normally blog about but this movie was awesome. okay enough of that.
so i finally satisfied my craving for a fucking good movie and saw.....no it was not that superhero flick Spider man 3 people are wasting money on, it was a movie called The Lives of others. Also known as : "Das Leben der Anderen" brilliant stuff people!! go see it!! its German and i can not believe that this was under my nose the whole time and i saw so much crap this year. i know i am not a movie critic nor is that what i would normally blog about but this movie was awesome. okay enough of that.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
friendly interview
i just got back from seeing the girls and believe me it was like torture,i have never seen them so hungry for gossip.the questions went like this:
"who is he?"(general question)
"someone we know?"
"what does he do?"
"where is he from?"
"is he older?"
"younger?"
"why do you look so fucking smug?"
"did you get a facial?you are glowing!"
"are you fucking him?"
"is the sex good?"
it was at that moment that i realized that as worldly and experienced the three of them are, they are not ready for that kind of bombshell (nor am i willing to share), regardless of how successful, beautiful and intelligent this person is.they will be shocked and disturbed.
i know they love me,but it wont be fair to do this to them,therefore i lied and cooked up a story for them about a new guy i just started seeing.
apparently i look happy and they were all laughing at me for hiding him,convinced "he" must be hideous. but yet they want to meet him, i told them when the time is right,don't want to jump ahead of myself (what i liar i am).
now i am in the predicament of following my lie.what have i put myself into?oh well.
(dinner was delicious non the less,i had a steak to curb any future cravings for meat)
"who is he?"(general question)
"someone we know?"
"what does he do?"
"where is he from?"
"is he older?"
"younger?"
"why do you look so fucking smug?"
"did you get a facial?you are glowing!"
"are you fucking him?"
"is the sex good?"
it was at that moment that i realized that as worldly and experienced the three of them are, they are not ready for that kind of bombshell (nor am i willing to share), regardless of how successful, beautiful and intelligent this person is.they will be shocked and disturbed.
i know they love me,but it wont be fair to do this to them,therefore i lied and cooked up a story for them about a new guy i just started seeing.
apparently i look happy and they were all laughing at me for hiding him,convinced "he" must be hideous. but yet they want to meet him, i told them when the time is right,don't want to jump ahead of myself (what i liar i am).
now i am in the predicament of following my lie.what have i put myself into?oh well.
(dinner was delicious non the less,i had a steak to curb any future cravings for meat)
Monday, April 30, 2007
friends
my friends are beginning to "worry" about me, they haven't heard from me since i started seeing miss beautiful,they want to meet up with me and hear about this new "man" in my life. because apparently the only reason i would disappear from the face of the earth would be because i am getting laid.
HELP!
what am i supposed to tell them, "sweeties, i have been fucking a woman". i can just see the looks of horror on their faces plus that vain miss Latina would begin to think i want her! yuck!
anyway... whats a girl to do??? how do i tell my friends that my new lover is a female, or do i even bring it up?i guess i will blame it on work or lie....
these heifers aren't even wasting time they want to have lunch tomorrow or dinner whichever one is more convenient for me,they will even come to my part of town,see what girls would do for gist! waste gas money...... sigh
HELP!
what am i supposed to tell them, "sweeties, i have been fucking a woman". i can just see the looks of horror on their faces plus that vain miss Latina would begin to think i want her! yuck!
anyway... whats a girl to do??? how do i tell my friends that my new lover is a female, or do i even bring it up?i guess i will blame it on work or lie....
these heifers aren't even wasting time they want to have lunch tomorrow or dinner whichever one is more convenient for me,they will even come to my part of town,see what girls would do for gist! waste gas money...... sigh
Saturday, April 28, 2007
internal imbalance
i think i might be falling for her,its becoming more than just an adventure and becoming genuine feelings,
she is kind,intelligent and caring. she is beautiful both inside and outside.
i look at her and smile each time,the way her hair gets tangled in her lashes, the way her nose crinkles when she smiles, the little gap in her teeth, the way she bites her lower lips when she is thinking, the way she looks when she is doing work and has on her enormous glasses, the way she smells early in the morning, the smoothness of her skin,the blondish downy hairs on her back, the dimples at the top of her butt,everything about her makes me adore her and i know she adores me too.
The question is this,am i ready to take this to the next level. Am i prepared to deal with the repercussions of dating a woman in this narrow minded society?should i even care what others would think? my parents? my friends?people i socialize with? they all know i like men,so to them it would be "where is this coming from?"
caring for someone is not just based on their sex i have realized, it doesn't matter whether it is a man or a woman,as long as you are treated with respect and affection.i know i still find men very attractive but it is just this ONE woman that is driving me insane.
Can we date outside our norm and within our sex? does that make one gay/lesbian? i wont identify as a lesbian because i refuse to be defined by a name or placed in a box. i am a woman who is choosing to be in a relationship of sorts with another woman because this person makes me very happy,happier than any man else has ever made me. if this person happens to be a woman then that is alright with me,and if that offends anyone,then too bad.
she is kind,intelligent and caring. she is beautiful both inside and outside.
i look at her and smile each time,the way her hair gets tangled in her lashes, the way her nose crinkles when she smiles, the little gap in her teeth, the way she bites her lower lips when she is thinking, the way she looks when she is doing work and has on her enormous glasses, the way she smells early in the morning, the smoothness of her skin,the blondish downy hairs on her back, the dimples at the top of her butt,everything about her makes me adore her and i know she adores me too.
The question is this,am i ready to take this to the next level. Am i prepared to deal with the repercussions of dating a woman in this narrow minded society?should i even care what others would think? my parents? my friends?people i socialize with? they all know i like men,so to them it would be "where is this coming from?"
caring for someone is not just based on their sex i have realized, it doesn't matter whether it is a man or a woman,as long as you are treated with respect and affection.i know i still find men very attractive but it is just this ONE woman that is driving me insane.
Can we date outside our norm and within our sex? does that make one gay/lesbian? i wont identify as a lesbian because i refuse to be defined by a name or placed in a box. i am a woman who is choosing to be in a relationship of sorts with another woman because this person makes me very happy,happier than any man else has ever made me. if this person happens to be a woman then that is alright with me,and if that offends anyone,then too bad.
Monday, April 23, 2007
last night in the bay
San Francisco was amazing the hotel was spectacular, we ate at the finest restaurants, walked and shopped around china town, ferry building market place, of course the golden gate bridge and checked out the art and theater scene,rode the cable cars ate everything in sight,clothes shopping, hey i am a tourist,i knew she would rather do more "grown up/non touristy things" but i really wanted to see those things,so she gave in.
it ended up being wonderful. i had so much fun. the funny part of the trip was at the end after a delicious dinner on saturday, we were at a lounge enjoying our drinks and each others company, sort of making out, laughing and kissing, when these two guys walked over to us and introduced themselves. and began flirting in an overtly sexual manner! i thought it was hilarious, these fools really thought we were just trying to get attention from them and they were presenting their dicks on a sliver platter to fill the void in our "lesbian interactions" but Miss B got slightly irritated and told them we were not interested and that we were just trying to enjoy our evening. the bewildered look on their faces swiftly turned to disgust as they realized she was not kidding with them. one of them actually said "what a waste.how can it be sex? neither of you has a cock"
i guess having a penis is the only way to satisfy a woman.
we weren't going to let a couple of boozoos ruin our evening. we both got pretty tipsy, well i got drunk, we stumbled back up to our room for our last night in San Francisco to prove those idiots wrong. and i must say miss Beautiful was determined for me to never crave a penis again. because what she did to me that night......... hot damn.
it ended up being wonderful. i had so much fun. the funny part of the trip was at the end after a delicious dinner on saturday, we were at a lounge enjoying our drinks and each others company, sort of making out, laughing and kissing, when these two guys walked over to us and introduced themselves. and began flirting in an overtly sexual manner! i thought it was hilarious, these fools really thought we were just trying to get attention from them and they were presenting their dicks on a sliver platter to fill the void in our "lesbian interactions" but Miss B got slightly irritated and told them we were not interested and that we were just trying to enjoy our evening. the bewildered look on their faces swiftly turned to disgust as they realized she was not kidding with them. one of them actually said "what a waste.how can it be sex? neither of you has a cock"
i guess having a penis is the only way to satisfy a woman.
we weren't going to let a couple of boozoos ruin our evening. we both got pretty tipsy, well i got drunk, we stumbled back up to our room for our last night in San Francisco to prove those idiots wrong. and i must say miss Beautiful was determined for me to never crave a penis again. because what she did to me that night......... hot damn.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
off to her turf
we are going to San Francisco for the weekend. her idea. its our first time going out in public as a "couple" . In San Francisco we can hold hands and kiss each other in public without worrying who will see us.......well i worry who will see us. i am somewhat skeptical about the whole trip but she just called to tell me she would love for me to accompany her and give us a work/friend free zone to get to know each other much better,so i said yes,lord knows i need a break away from everything. so Friday i am taking a half day off work, i shall be back on Sunday with an update. i have been ordered to leave behind my laptop and phone. the phone i told her i just cant do.
be back in a couple days.
be back in a couple days.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
touch
stroking, kissing, stroking, caressing, licking, moaning, sucking, groaning, gripping, rubbing, sucking, biting, pushing,sweating,sticky,moist,warm, soft, tight, purring, screams, yelps, gyrating, pumping, grabbing, biting.
stroking, kissing, stroking, caressing, licking, moaning, sucking, groaning, griping, rubbing, sucking, biting, pushing,
sweaing, sticky, moist,warm, soft, tight, purr, screams, yelps, gyrating, pumping, grabbing, biting.
screaming, yelling, shouting, breathing, panting, eyes rolling, toes curling, fucking.
stroking, kissing, stroking, caressing, licking, moaning, sucking, groaning, griping, rubbing, sucking, biting, pushing,
sweaing, sticky, moist,warm, soft, tight, purr, screams, yelps, gyrating, pumping, grabbing, biting.
screaming, yelling, shouting, breathing, panting, eyes rolling, toes curling, fucking.
Monday, April 16, 2007
jumping on the caravan of lust
this woman is amazing,i have spent all my free time with her, meeting for late dinners and sneaking off to take long lunches to see her. initially we just spent it talking and getting to know each other better as friends but gradually as i grew more comfortable and began to trust her we began to get intimate, i guess she wasn't as adamant about waiting for me.
the chemistry is amazing and the passion is intoxicating, she takes me to heights of pleasure i have never experienced ever before, i sob with pleasure every time she touches me.
her lips, her hands.....her tongue.
this is insane,its like i cant believe this is happening to me, but i have decided to go for the ride,the pleasure is ridiculous. we are both insatiable, we can barely finish a meal before we end up gobbling each other on my floor or her floor or her bed or my bed.....
every time its different, she touches places that i didn't know exist. screams of ecstasy and euphoria fill the bedroom. all night she finds a new way of making me weak,this could become the best diet ever.
my body is her temple and hers is heaven. each night and morning we journey to these sacred places over and over and over and over again. this weekend we spent it underneath her crisp white sheets,rising out for the occasional meal and crawling back in. i am having so much fun,i have not even had time to think of the repercussions, if there are any.
her skin is unnaturally soft and smooth,but i guess i was so used to touching hairy and rough men,this delicate being is so exotic to me,now i see why men are obsessed with womens asses! hers is uhmmmmmmm delectable.....
i have barely noticed that she lacks a penis. this is too amazing,foreign,different and exhilarating
so yes, miss beautiful is here,here to stay.
the chemistry is amazing and the passion is intoxicating, she takes me to heights of pleasure i have never experienced ever before, i sob with pleasure every time she touches me.
her lips, her hands.....her tongue.
this is insane,its like i cant believe this is happening to me, but i have decided to go for the ride,the pleasure is ridiculous. we are both insatiable, we can barely finish a meal before we end up gobbling each other on my floor or her floor or her bed or my bed.....
every time its different, she touches places that i didn't know exist. screams of ecstasy and euphoria fill the bedroom. all night she finds a new way of making me weak,this could become the best diet ever.
my body is her temple and hers is heaven. each night and morning we journey to these sacred places over and over and over and over again. this weekend we spent it underneath her crisp white sheets,rising out for the occasional meal and crawling back in. i am having so much fun,i have not even had time to think of the repercussions, if there are any.
her skin is unnaturally soft and smooth,but i guess i was so used to touching hairy and rough men,this delicate being is so exotic to me,now i see why men are obsessed with womens asses! hers is uhmmmmmmm delectable.....
i have barely noticed that she lacks a penis. this is too amazing,foreign,different and exhilarating
so yes, miss beautiful is here,here to stay.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
The Pratt
In order to convince myself that i have not completely switched teams, i agreed to a date with one of our patrons, a revolting wealthy and significantly older man lets call him Mr Pratt.sigh...yes it has come to that. this man is older than my dad! agbaya, see him chasing a girl young enough to be his grandchild.but he had been chasing me for as long as i can remember. i am sorry but no amount of money would make me touch old balls..eww! but i caved and went out with him.... he sent his car to pick me up from my place. dinner was delicious,expensive and BORING........ gosh i nearly shoved the dessert fork up my nose..... he on the other hand wont stop yappering on and on,about how he wants to take care of me, doesn't want me to work anymore blah,blah,blah. can you sense my boredom?? in the middle of deciding whether the fork in nose or placing my face in the soup would put me out of my misery,
i received a text message from the delectable Miss Beautiful,
what are you doing right now?
i excused myself from the table, went to the ladies room to respond
Nothing,what are you doing?
a swift response from her.
why don't you come by my place for a late dinner, i made some halibut.....
without hesitation i responded
Be there in 30 mins
yes i know i am on a date,but i felt like drowning myself in my soup for crying out loud, i went back to the table, announced my exit.my excuse was lame, something about feeling ill. i promised a second date (as if!) he generously offered his car to take me back to my house.i declined, took a cab and headed to her place.
i received a text message from the delectable Miss Beautiful,
what are you doing right now?
i excused myself from the table, went to the ladies room to respond
Nothing,what are you doing?
a swift response from her.
why don't you come by my place for a late dinner, i made some halibut.....
without hesitation i responded
Be there in 30 mins
yes i know i am on a date,but i felt like drowning myself in my soup for crying out loud, i went back to the table, announced my exit.my excuse was lame, something about feeling ill. i promised a second date (as if!) he generously offered his car to take me back to my house.i declined, took a cab and headed to her place.
the last of the married arab
you know the best way to forget about someone and rinse them out of your system,is to start seeing someone else. so Mr Married Arab has been out of the picture because,he needs to focus on his wife and i need to focus on my own life. it wasn't going anywhere.
another thing i noticed about men,the less available you are to them the more desirable you become to them. this man,has been calling my phone incessantly. i don't answer,i don't have time for bullshit.
of course he decided to show up,in the middle of making a big sale,that i so desperately needed. and proceeded to make a scene! this man started crying and begging to talk to me!! what the hell??? i mean i was never mean to him,did not give him any parting words,i just did not return his calls. does that warrant such pathetic behavior?? i never let him hit it, so why is this punk embarrassing me at work?in front of potential clients, making me look bad??? i want to explode,but i remain calm, tell him to go into my office and wait there for me. slightly frazzled i succeed in selling the obscenely expensive painting.
Fuming i walk into my office and face the idiot, he starts telling me a sob story about his wife threatening to take his baby from him etc.
i listen,because he looks genuinely hurt and sad.
but why come to me?
because i care he says...
hmmmm strangely enough i do. i silently ask myself why do i allow myself to get so involved in other peoples lives and feel that i am their superwoman? especially when i am supposed to be angry at him and want him out of my office!
i go by him and rest his head on my chest, all of a sudden his hands are on my breasts,twiddling my nipples through my cotton blouse. i do not flip out. i have just realized that he is just an old dog,up to his old tricks. i gently move his hand away. tell him very softly."please never in your miserable life call me ever again.and spare yourself the embarrassment and do not show up at my work again".
I show him the door. and smile at his bewildered face as the door lands him a hot slap
another thing i noticed about men,the less available you are to them the more desirable you become to them. this man,has been calling my phone incessantly. i don't answer,i don't have time for bullshit.
of course he decided to show up,in the middle of making a big sale,that i so desperately needed. and proceeded to make a scene! this man started crying and begging to talk to me!! what the hell??? i mean i was never mean to him,did not give him any parting words,i just did not return his calls. does that warrant such pathetic behavior?? i never let him hit it, so why is this punk embarrassing me at work?in front of potential clients, making me look bad??? i want to explode,but i remain calm, tell him to go into my office and wait there for me. slightly frazzled i succeed in selling the obscenely expensive painting.
Fuming i walk into my office and face the idiot, he starts telling me a sob story about his wife threatening to take his baby from him etc.
i listen,because he looks genuinely hurt and sad.
but why come to me?
because i care he says...
hmmmm strangely enough i do. i silently ask myself why do i allow myself to get so involved in other peoples lives and feel that i am their superwoman? especially when i am supposed to be angry at him and want him out of my office!
i go by him and rest his head on my chest, all of a sudden his hands are on my breasts,twiddling my nipples through my cotton blouse. i do not flip out. i have just realized that he is just an old dog,up to his old tricks. i gently move his hand away. tell him very softly."please never in your miserable life call me ever again.and spare yourself the embarrassment and do not show up at my work again".
I show him the door. and smile at his bewildered face as the door lands him a hot slap
Thursday, April 12, 2007
busy busy bee
Sorry i havent been able to respond to your comments sweeties,been swamped with work,we have a new exhibit coming in at the gallery,oh and been preoccupied with a certain "ahem" somebody,will be back in a few days with updates.
ciao
ciao
let me stop fooling myself,i know exactly what i am doing,i do have free will, and i am choosing to let this woman explore my body,and here i am exploring hers as well. she is so sexy and all i can think of is touching her all over her body,feeling her soft skin, kissing every nook and cranny of her body.but at the same time i am nervous and afraid. what am i supposed to do? i mean the female anatomy is a mystery to me, i have one...but having another exquisite one in front of me is terrifying.... she senses my discomfort so she pulls me off the counter and leads me to the living room where she pushes me against the wall.....we barely made the couch..... she is intensely kissing me and touching me.
next thing my top is over my head and my bra is snapped off replaced by her eager and warm moist mouth, her tongue teasing my nipples to erection, sucking and licking my breasts, creating spasms all over my body. causing my panties to soak up.... she can tell how turned on i am yet she keeps on kissing and licking, gradually trailing down my stomach with her mouth giving me kisses that send shock waves through my body, light gentle kisses with her warm breath on me.i cling to the wall to support me in anticipation of where her head is leading... she kisses me through my lounge pants. my body begging her to just take them off...... but she refuses she keeps doing what she is doing teasing me and touching me,i almost orgasm.
it isn't fair i want her to put her tongue on me...... but she does not..... she comes back up and kisses my lips and then whispers "i don't want to rush you"
at this point, i want to be rushed!! how would you start on me like that and stop?
i whimper and my eyes plead with her to continue....
she said she felt like she was taking advantage of me,because she knew i wasn't ready for this to become more,and she wanted more from me than just that.... she wanted me to be sure, so that she could enjoy me knowing that i was hers....but she understood that was a huge decision....
at this point i wanted to die,i hadn't stopped longing for her, but i was gradually coming back to my senses and realizing that i was topless and right in my face was this sexy woman... i told her she would have to leave.............
next thing my top is over my head and my bra is snapped off replaced by her eager and warm moist mouth, her tongue teasing my nipples to erection, sucking and licking my breasts, creating spasms all over my body. causing my panties to soak up.... she can tell how turned on i am yet she keeps on kissing and licking, gradually trailing down my stomach with her mouth giving me kisses that send shock waves through my body, light gentle kisses with her warm breath on me.i cling to the wall to support me in anticipation of where her head is leading... she kisses me through my lounge pants. my body begging her to just take them off...... but she refuses she keeps doing what she is doing teasing me and touching me,i almost orgasm.
it isn't fair i want her to put her tongue on me...... but she does not..... she comes back up and kisses my lips and then whispers "i don't want to rush you"
at this point, i want to be rushed!! how would you start on me like that and stop?
i whimper and my eyes plead with her to continue....
she said she felt like she was taking advantage of me,because she knew i wasn't ready for this to become more,and she wanted more from me than just that.... she wanted me to be sure, so that she could enjoy me knowing that i was hers....but she understood that was a huge decision....
at this point i wanted to die,i hadn't stopped longing for her, but i was gradually coming back to my senses and realizing that i was topless and right in my face was this sexy woman... i told her she would have to leave.............
Monday, April 9, 2007
i see red
i see anger
i see rage
i see bitterness
i see unhappiness
i see depression
i see loneliness
i see hurt
i see rejection
i see pain
i see hatred
i see jealousy
i see malice
i see vindictiveness
i see wickedness
i see cruelty
i see violence
i see brutality
i see you
i see me
i see rage
i see bitterness
i see unhappiness
i see depression
i see loneliness
i see hurt
i see rejection
i see pain
i see hatred
i see jealousy
i see malice
i see vindictiveness
i see wickedness
i see cruelty
i see violence
i see brutality
i see you
i see me
a womans touch
i feel terrible for the way i ran out of miss beautiful's house. the look of disappointment on her face was overwhelming. but i was scared!scared of the feelings i was feeling.scared of her intoxicating smell,that heady scent of Chanel allure so close to me and her nipples grazing her shirt, her lips, her eyes, her hair, her beautiful body. After seeing her open up to me like that and telling me how she felt, all i wanted was to have her body on mine. that is why i ran,because i understand that not every feeling should be acted on. and at that moment i thought with my head.hence the running off.
well the next day, i felt even more terrible.i saw a text from her:
Sorry for scaring you away. I understand if you don't want to see me again. MB
i didn't reply,because i needed to clear my head about the situation. there were several questions, did i want to see her again?regardless of what could happen?
i buried myself with work and pushed her out of my head.
i knew that the grown up thing to do would be to call her and apologize,after all we could become friends.and my behavior was rude. But i still could not bring myself to answer her phone calls. what was i going to say?
i called her finally on saturday, i didnt want to put it off too long, surprisingly she wasn't angry at me for not calling her back or for running away instead she apologized for what she said.but i told her i was not offended and rather i should be the one apologizing for my rudeness. i invited her to my house for coffee. she asked,tonight? i replied yes,tonight. i promised her a mean cheesecake that i had picked up from this fabulous bakery by my house and gave her directions. as soon as i got off the phone i went around my apartment to tidy up and make sure everything was right for her visit...(what?i wanna make a good impression!)
she showed up looking beautiful as always and natural with no make up. once again she was torturing me by not wearing a bra underneath her tank top(what is it with her and no bras?damn!) and her yoga pants gripped her firm backside like an extra skin... i struggled to keep my eyes off her.she noticed this inner battle and i noticed a smirk on that perfect face....
i gave her a hug and welcomed her into my home. got her settled and went into the kitchen to prepare the coffee and slice the cake,all of a sudden i felt her behind me,i froze, she put her arms around my waist and buried her face in my hair and whispered "your hair smells great" i thanked her,still frozen to the same spot.she pushed my hair to one side and started her invasion on my neck,slowly and softly,causing goosebumps on my flesh. unleashing a flood. making my nipples hard. all thoughts of Mr Married Arab or any other man and inhibitions were flying out of my head. all i could focus on was how good her lips were on me. she is taller than me, and when she turned me around and lifted my face to hers i just gazed into her face and i knew then that there was nothing she could say at that moment that could stop me from kissing her. nothing that could convince me that i didn't want her. this was the moment i had been longing for since i first met her. i put my hands up into her hair and pulled her face down towards mine and kissed her, our lips melting into one and our tongues doing this primitive dance, softly at first and then more intensely,our bodies meshing together,she was so soft. it was beautiful. not nasty or trashy like those college girl on girl kisses.no, this was perfection. she grabbed me and lifted me up by my behind and placed me on the counter, kissing me and stroking my face, my shoulders and then she slipped her hands under my top.that's when i froze, what am i doing?
well the next day, i felt even more terrible.i saw a text from her:
Sorry for scaring you away. I understand if you don't want to see me again. MB
i didn't reply,because i needed to clear my head about the situation. there were several questions, did i want to see her again?regardless of what could happen?
i buried myself with work and pushed her out of my head.
i knew that the grown up thing to do would be to call her and apologize,after all we could become friends.and my behavior was rude. But i still could not bring myself to answer her phone calls. what was i going to say?
i called her finally on saturday, i didnt want to put it off too long, surprisingly she wasn't angry at me for not calling her back or for running away instead she apologized for what she said.but i told her i was not offended and rather i should be the one apologizing for my rudeness. i invited her to my house for coffee. she asked,tonight? i replied yes,tonight. i promised her a mean cheesecake that i had picked up from this fabulous bakery by my house and gave her directions. as soon as i got off the phone i went around my apartment to tidy up and make sure everything was right for her visit...(what?i wanna make a good impression!)
she showed up looking beautiful as always and natural with no make up. once again she was torturing me by not wearing a bra underneath her tank top(what is it with her and no bras?damn!) and her yoga pants gripped her firm backside like an extra skin... i struggled to keep my eyes off her.she noticed this inner battle and i noticed a smirk on that perfect face....
i gave her a hug and welcomed her into my home. got her settled and went into the kitchen to prepare the coffee and slice the cake,all of a sudden i felt her behind me,i froze, she put her arms around my waist and buried her face in my hair and whispered "your hair smells great" i thanked her,still frozen to the same spot.she pushed my hair to one side and started her invasion on my neck,slowly and softly,causing goosebumps on my flesh. unleashing a flood. making my nipples hard. all thoughts of Mr Married Arab or any other man and inhibitions were flying out of my head. all i could focus on was how good her lips were on me. she is taller than me, and when she turned me around and lifted my face to hers i just gazed into her face and i knew then that there was nothing she could say at that moment that could stop me from kissing her. nothing that could convince me that i didn't want her. this was the moment i had been longing for since i first met her. i put my hands up into her hair and pulled her face down towards mine and kissed her, our lips melting into one and our tongues doing this primitive dance, softly at first and then more intensely,our bodies meshing together,she was so soft. it was beautiful. not nasty or trashy like those college girl on girl kisses.no, this was perfection. she grabbed me and lifted me up by my behind and placed me on the counter, kissing me and stroking my face, my shoulders and then she slipped her hands under my top.that's when i froze, what am i doing?
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Date with the beauty
Dinner with Miss Beautiful was amazing! after a hectic day at work, I was looking forward to seeing her . I rushed to close the gallery and go home to change and freshen up,i know its not a date ,but i wanted to look pretty,i was in black work pants, and a purple blouse,black patent heels, with my hair pulled back in a bun... too severe,i wanted to soften my look for my dinner. so i went home, washed off my makeup,put on just mascara and lip gloss. put on a simple dress that hugged in all the right places, put some simple sandals on,let my hair down,i had gone for a lunch time blow dry so it was looking pretty good. gave myself one last look in the mirror before dashing out,i was almost late. as i got to the restaurant, i made a point to check out the cute valet guy,(hey i needed to reassure myself of my heterosexuality!)
i walked in and told the hostess i was meeting miss beautiful,she took me towards our table and there she was.. in all her flawlessness.. so beautiful,she stood up and came towards me to kiss me on the cheek, and pulled out the chair for me(?). wow,she looked great. that kind of effortless chic. She was wearing cigarette trousers, a crisp white shirt with a few top buttons open tucked into them and no bra.. i felt her soft breasts brush against me when she kissed me. she wore no jewelry and her hair looking as luscious as ever.she wore very light makeup, lord she looked great. i was in awe.
well,after i got over my awe and managed to pick up my bottom jaw off the floor. i was able to focus and the meal was Delicious,conversation was amazing,we had so much in common,she worked in a large pr firm, and i could gather she was quite successful,everything about her oozed with class. we laughed,joked. it was awesome. in fact it was the best date ever. it wasn't difficult because she was a woman. There were certain things that we automatically understood about the other just for the fact that as women there are certain experiences that are universal. lots of jokes and laughs,hmmm this wasnt so bad,we were hitting it off like old friend. when the bill came i automatically whipped out my card because, with all my lady friends we split the bill when we eat out,right? well, miss beautiful took the cheque and said don't worry,i did ask you out didn't i. (uhmmm ok?) as we walked out of the restaurant,i looked at her and smiled and told her thank you for the lovely meal and i genuinely had a wonderful time, she told me she would like me to come back to her place to have a drink and just chill since she lived not too faraway... i agreed we waited for the valet to bring our cars. and i drove behind her. she lived in a very luxurious condo,tastefully furnished, with great paintings in all the rooms,as she gave me a tour, i was impressed with the simplicity. we settled in her living room with a bottle of very good wine, the lights were dimmed and there was some Count Basie playing in the background, we sat on her couch, chatting forever, i got loose and of course i got bold. i guess with all the alcohol in me
i asked the most obvious question "are you a lesbian"
she laughed.."yes i am,does that bother you?"
i said "no,no,not at all. i was just curious"
i looked down at my wine glass and was paying too much attention to the contents in an effort to avoid looking at her,
i could feel her eyes on me,and i felt her move closer to me, she lifted my face up and gazed at me..
she said "i know you are not a lesbian,but i can not help but feel a certain chemistry between both of us. Luminous,i have been thinking about you. i do not want to scare you off by coming on too strong,but i really can not stop myself . i risk hurting myself."
(silence)
to be honest i didn't know what to say,what do you say after that? i mean by admitting i found her attractive, was i admitting to myself that i might be bi-sexual or bi-curious? i decided to keep my mouth shut.all of a sudden i felt uncomfortable,all i wanted was to get out of there. i mumbled an excuse,something about an early day. and scrambled out of there as fast as i could.
i walked in and told the hostess i was meeting miss beautiful,she took me towards our table and there she was.. in all her flawlessness.. so beautiful,she stood up and came towards me to kiss me on the cheek, and pulled out the chair for me(?). wow,she looked great. that kind of effortless chic. She was wearing cigarette trousers, a crisp white shirt with a few top buttons open tucked into them and no bra.. i felt her soft breasts brush against me when she kissed me. she wore no jewelry and her hair looking as luscious as ever.she wore very light makeup, lord she looked great. i was in awe.
well,after i got over my awe and managed to pick up my bottom jaw off the floor. i was able to focus and the meal was Delicious,conversation was amazing,we had so much in common,she worked in a large pr firm, and i could gather she was quite successful,everything about her oozed with class. we laughed,joked. it was awesome. in fact it was the best date ever. it wasn't difficult because she was a woman. There were certain things that we automatically understood about the other just for the fact that as women there are certain experiences that are universal. lots of jokes and laughs,hmmm this wasnt so bad,we were hitting it off like old friend. when the bill came i automatically whipped out my card because, with all my lady friends we split the bill when we eat out,right? well, miss beautiful took the cheque and said don't worry,i did ask you out didn't i. (uhmmm ok?) as we walked out of the restaurant,i looked at her and smiled and told her thank you for the lovely meal and i genuinely had a wonderful time, she told me she would like me to come back to her place to have a drink and just chill since she lived not too faraway... i agreed we waited for the valet to bring our cars. and i drove behind her. she lived in a very luxurious condo,tastefully furnished, with great paintings in all the rooms,as she gave me a tour, i was impressed with the simplicity. we settled in her living room with a bottle of very good wine, the lights were dimmed and there was some Count Basie playing in the background, we sat on her couch, chatting forever, i got loose and of course i got bold. i guess with all the alcohol in me
i asked the most obvious question "are you a lesbian"
she laughed.."yes i am,does that bother you?"
i said "no,no,not at all. i was just curious"
i looked down at my wine glass and was paying too much attention to the contents in an effort to avoid looking at her,
i could feel her eyes on me,and i felt her move closer to me, she lifted my face up and gazed at me..
she said "i know you are not a lesbian,but i can not help but feel a certain chemistry between both of us. Luminous,i have been thinking about you. i do not want to scare you off by coming on too strong,but i really can not stop myself . i risk hurting myself."
(silence)
to be honest i didn't know what to say,what do you say after that? i mean by admitting i found her attractive, was i admitting to myself that i might be bi-sexual or bi-curious? i decided to keep my mouth shut.all of a sudden i felt uncomfortable,all i wanted was to get out of there. i mumbled an excuse,something about an early day. and scrambled out of there as fast as i could.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
phone call with the beauty
I called Miss Beautiful today!!! i gave myself the biggest pep talk before i did it, i mean no biggie right,just girls hanging out...well if that's it,why am i feeling nervous about calling her? the conversation went like this
Miss Beautiful: hello?
Luminous: hello miss beautiful, this is luminous Nubian,i met you at xy party last weekend.
Miss Beautiful: i have been waiting for your phone call.
Luminous: oh....uhmmm... i have been busy with work,and......
Miss Beautiful: will you have dinner with me?tonight?
Luminous:uhm....let me check my schedule.(rummaging around handbag looking for imaginary schedule) oh, yes i am free for dinner on Friday...
Miss Beautiful:i don't think i can wait that long, i want to see you sooner.
Luminous: hmm let me see, i can do something on.............
Miss Beautiful:tomorrow. i will meet you at xy restaurant, at 7;30. (not a question.a statement)
Luminous:oh uhm alright. i will see you tomorrow then....
Miss Beautiful: i will see you then.(click)
ok,is it just me or did that sound like a date? maybe i am imagining things.
okay let me make one thing clear, i am not a lesbian.i have lesbian friends and they tell me i am as straight as they come. so why the hell am i feeling this way for another woman? i cant stop thinking about her. i didn't call her for a week because i was scared, scared of this attraction i was feeling. what is it with me and lusting after the forbidden. maybe its curiosity,maybe i am just looking for happiness in the most honest and pure form and i am willing to try whatever options?but damn! can i get a single MAN???! lol
like i said maybe i am overreacting and reading too much into her actions. i will wait till tonight and post the details of our "outing" it is not a date.
Miss Beautiful: hello?
Luminous: hello miss beautiful, this is luminous Nubian,i met you at xy party last weekend.
Miss Beautiful: i have been waiting for your phone call.
Luminous: oh....uhmmm... i have been busy with work,and......
Miss Beautiful: will you have dinner with me?tonight?
Luminous:uhm....let me check my schedule.(rummaging around handbag looking for imaginary schedule) oh, yes i am free for dinner on Friday...
Miss Beautiful:i don't think i can wait that long, i want to see you sooner.
Luminous: hmm let me see, i can do something on.............
Miss Beautiful:tomorrow. i will meet you at xy restaurant, at 7;30. (not a question.a statement)
Luminous:oh uhm alright. i will see you tomorrow then....
Miss Beautiful: i will see you then.(click)
ok,is it just me or did that sound like a date? maybe i am imagining things.
okay let me make one thing clear, i am not a lesbian.i have lesbian friends and they tell me i am as straight as they come. so why the hell am i feeling this way for another woman? i cant stop thinking about her. i didn't call her for a week because i was scared, scared of this attraction i was feeling. what is it with me and lusting after the forbidden. maybe its curiosity,maybe i am just looking for happiness in the most honest and pure form and i am willing to try whatever options?but damn! can i get a single MAN???! lol
like i said maybe i am overreacting and reading too much into her actions. i will wait till tonight and post the details of our "outing" it is not a date.
Monday, April 2, 2007
a strange attraction
it was one of those parties,beautiful people, wine and champagne flowing,great conversation, good music in the background,people mingling their bodies under the fairy lights by the pool,simple and chic. i was with friends chatting mindlessly about whatever topic came up, and then the hostess introduced us to her friend.i looked up and in front of me stood the most beautiful human being i had ever seen,that kind of beauty that radiates from the inside and reeks with the sweet aroma of sexual prowess, seductive dark eyes framed by heavy lashes and a regal nose.lips a natural bitten red,swollen and luscious. hair long wavy and dark, cheek bones sharp as a razor, skin flawless and tan,neck long and elegant without the strain of a necklace,my eyes dropped down towards the trouser clad legs that i could tell were strong and long,the arms lean and toned, and then the chest heaving with the most perfect breasts,perfect not too big but not too small... she looked at me and smiled, perfect small teeth. my goodness.....she is a woman.........but yet i am feeling this intense attraction for her. i try to stop myself...she joins the group and i just keep quiet while my friends bombard her with questions,where she moved from,what she did,etc,i just silently observed the grace and charm with which she replied,telling just enough without revealing too much....gradually the group dispersed as people went to mingle, i was left alone with her,at this point silence was no longer an option.she looks at me with those almost black eyes and i look back at her,and i see in that pit of darkness she feels the same way.no, i am imagining things, i make small talk and then she stops me and says "you are very beautiful" i am taken aback,because it wasn't said in the way another woman would say it,rather it was said in the way a lover would tell their beloved. i stuttered a thank you,too shy to look back up, she put her hand on my arm,soft gentle yet strong hands that promised more. "i would like to get to know you better,if you are alright with that?" i nodded. she gave me her phone number, maybe we could have lunch or something.....
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
the jumpoff
damn i am so horny,i have been on an unintentional strike of celibacy. since last November.yes feel sorry for me! hmmm its making me want to call my football player ex fuck buddy,thick as a brick but blessed with a cock the gods would envy.. we used to kick it back in the day in college but he was uhm not my type,i mean homeboy was fine as hell and had these long locs and body to die for,but other than our sexual chemistry we had nothing in common.(in case you cant tell i am a snub and will not date anyone i feel does not cut it) i love art,music and good wine and food,lets just say he was more of a Popeye's and young jeezy listening type of brother.you know ladies the type you don't introduce to your friends,sneak him in only at 2 and ignore him in public,gosh i feel terrible thinking how i treated him,but i think he liked being used sexually. when we met i knew it was purely sexual,i gave him my number ad told him to come to my place,we fooled around i like to tease a guy at first cos it gives me an idea of what they are working with before i decide whether or not i will fuck him,no point wasting time with a small dicked dude,well he passed my test,but i got busy with school and life and kinda forgot about him, then one night at a party with some friends and a sufficient amount of alcohol in my system i saw him and i went up to him, displaced the nasty looking hoochie grinding him and showed him some African flava! LOL.he was getting very excited and kept whispering in my ears how much he wanted me and how he had been waiting to do some really nasty shit to me, i told him then why are we still ere? we went to his place and i guess i was expecting some rough thuglike sex,instead he was gentle and the rhythms of our bodies grinding and bumping drove us to slow intense orgasms, he handled m body like a fine instrument,kissing every inch of me,sucking and licking on my pussy like he was intent on absorbing all the juices dripping from my body, have you ever had an orgasm when you feel like you are about to have a nose bleed that's how he made me feel.i wont lie i was shocked he didnt seem like the love making type of brother you know? the next morning was some more lazy fucking, i woke him up with a smile on my face and a smirk on his, i climbed on top of him and rocked slowly making sure i got all of his slick hardness in my wetness..damn thinking about that first time with him is making me wet.....shit its a shame i don't have his number anymore
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Wet
for the past two weeks i succeeded in avoiding Mr Married Arab,ignored his phone calls.but like all men the more you avoid them the more they want you,he kept sending flowers to me bringing jewelry by the gallery,i returned all his stupid jewelry,what does he take me for? a hooker?i can buy my own jewelry and besides i don't need pearls and sapphires to convince to fuck a man.that's a decision i am quite capable of making without incentives.
so today after work he called and i answered he begged to stop by my apartment.hmmm,i agreed.i am not going to lie,i missed him.i told him i was about to have a shower and i would leave the front door open. while i was in the shower he walked into my bathroom and pulled open the shower curtain and stared at my body my smooth caramel skin,my full ass and slender waist and my full breasts with the water and soap suds caressing my skin,my long curly hair wet and clinging to my back.i liked him looking at me, it made me so turned on,after i gave him an eye full i closed the curtain and told him to wait for me in my bedroom.he begged to join me,i told him no.after i got done i walked into my bedroom he pounced on me and we kissed and he ate my pussy for what seemed like forever, i missed those hands of his,they made me so wet....the fool thought this was going to proceed in sex...in his wildest dreams,once i got mines i kicked his sorry married ass home.
so today after work he called and i answered he begged to stop by my apartment.hmmm,i agreed.i am not going to lie,i missed him.i told him i was about to have a shower and i would leave the front door open. while i was in the shower he walked into my bathroom and pulled open the shower curtain and stared at my body my smooth caramel skin,my full ass and slender waist and my full breasts with the water and soap suds caressing my skin,my long curly hair wet and clinging to my back.i liked him looking at me, it made me so turned on,after i gave him an eye full i closed the curtain and told him to wait for me in my bedroom.he begged to join me,i told him no.after i got done i walked into my bedroom he pounced on me and we kissed and he ate my pussy for what seemed like forever, i missed those hands of his,they made me so wet....the fool thought this was going to proceed in sex...in his wildest dreams,once i got mines i kicked his sorry married ass home.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Mr.Married Arab
So i have been very determined not to see him again, i have been ignoring his calls. its killing me,but i need to start looking out for me,i have allowed men to treat me like crap for long enough.it time i start looking out for me. this is the first time i have even entertained the thought of "dating" a married man. such a hypocritical move. its something common to my native home of Nigeria that i detest and here i am longing for a married man, it doesn't matter that he isn't African and i could see his wife anywhere. but she is still a woman and i cant do that to her and her child.
i guess i should tell you how this all began.... its nothing romantic just two people with a lust for one another i guess. i was out with a group of friends, we decided to go for dinner at this middle eastern restaurant,i had never been before,but my friends were regulars there. it was a beautiful place, very authentic, delicious food,great ambiance,good conversation. well considering it was a table of very attractive women of various ethnic backgrounds, we got quite a bit of attention. then "he" walked up to our table to see if everything was alright. apparently he owned the place,and he wanted to be sure we were being taken care off. i was instantly attracted to him, which is odd(i don't really find alot of men attractive,they grow on me).he was tall, dark and handsome and his thick dark hair had a streak of premature grey in the front.damn he was sexy and he had the most luscious dark lashes framing those unusual green eyes. he looked at me and smiled. one of my friends the sexy Latina,was flirting outrageously with him. i assumed that he was too, but he kept looking at me. he then came by me and asked me if everything was fine.i said yes.thank you. we had a moment,lol! not being cheesy but we really did. he proceeded to join our table and sat next to me,we had light conversation,asked me where i was from.what i did, told him i worked at a gallery downtown,he said i need some art.maybe i will come see what you have.i gave him my card.
as soon as he walked away my friend turned to me and said
"girl he is sooo much trouble,and he is married."
i told her babes its just business he said he needs some art.its just business.
she said "whatever,just be careful."
of course miss Latina decided to pipe in,
"girl he is a big flirt he flirts with anything"
i am assuming that was meant to be a diss. it didn't bother me, i know i am beautiful,i do not need anyone to tell me.
fast forward to the following Tuesday
i was having a hectic day at work. and who decides to walk in?Him
he asked me if i had lunch yet,i hadn't.so he took me to a cafe not far from work, he made me laugh,smile, definitely not my type.not sophisticated enough,didn't know a thing about art,theater,music,politics..... yet it was that raw,hustler spirit that drew me,the man owned and ran a successful restaurant and chain of liqueur stores.he had that sexy aggressive hunter thing going on...oh don't mind my unusual fantasies,i might let them slip into my writing unconsciously.
well,his visits became more frequent. leading from the gallery to my living room and then my bedroom. we never had sex...but uhmm..we did things i should never do with a married man. his kisses intoxicated me and filled me with a lust that even i knew was sinful in everyway. i have refused to hop into bed with him.to retain my sanity and make me feel somewhat morally upright* whatever the hell that means*
i guess i should tell you how this all began.... its nothing romantic just two people with a lust for one another i guess. i was out with a group of friends, we decided to go for dinner at this middle eastern restaurant,i had never been before,but my friends were regulars there. it was a beautiful place, very authentic, delicious food,great ambiance,good conversation. well considering it was a table of very attractive women of various ethnic backgrounds, we got quite a bit of attention. then "he" walked up to our table to see if everything was alright. apparently he owned the place,and he wanted to be sure we were being taken care off. i was instantly attracted to him, which is odd(i don't really find alot of men attractive,they grow on me).he was tall, dark and handsome and his thick dark hair had a streak of premature grey in the front.damn he was sexy and he had the most luscious dark lashes framing those unusual green eyes. he looked at me and smiled. one of my friends the sexy Latina,was flirting outrageously with him. i assumed that he was too, but he kept looking at me. he then came by me and asked me if everything was fine.i said yes.thank you. we had a moment,lol! not being cheesy but we really did. he proceeded to join our table and sat next to me,we had light conversation,asked me where i was from.what i did, told him i worked at a gallery downtown,he said i need some art.maybe i will come see what you have.i gave him my card.
as soon as he walked away my friend turned to me and said
"girl he is sooo much trouble,and he is married."
i told her babes its just business he said he needs some art.its just business.
she said "whatever,just be careful."
of course miss Latina decided to pipe in,
"girl he is a big flirt he flirts with anything"
i am assuming that was meant to be a diss. it didn't bother me, i know i am beautiful,i do not need anyone to tell me.
fast forward to the following Tuesday
i was having a hectic day at work. and who decides to walk in?Him
he asked me if i had lunch yet,i hadn't.so he took me to a cafe not far from work, he made me laugh,smile, definitely not my type.not sophisticated enough,didn't know a thing about art,theater,music,politics..... yet it was that raw,hustler spirit that drew me,the man owned and ran a successful restaurant and chain of liqueur stores.he had that sexy aggressive hunter thing going on...oh don't mind my unusual fantasies,i might let them slip into my writing unconsciously.
well,his visits became more frequent. leading from the gallery to my living room and then my bedroom. we never had sex...but uhmm..we did things i should never do with a married man. his kisses intoxicated me and filled me with a lust that even i knew was sinful in everyway. i have refused to hop into bed with him.to retain my sanity and make me feel somewhat morally upright* whatever the hell that means*
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Muddle
Its four in the morning,he just left,i know where he is going,we both know it.but i say nothing.
why am i allowing myself to do this?i can stop this before i get hurt.or have i gotten past that point,have i gotten to the point of no return?that point where i have become a terrible person?i shouldn't even have looked at him that night.....something in those green eyes made me give him my number.my girls warned me...."girl he is trouble" i like trouble....but is this worth it?i tell him every time i see him,i cant do this anymore....we cant do this. he says "why are you lying to yourself? you know you want me,we both know it.stop holding yourself back from me". We haven't had sex......Yet. will i? could i possibly?i know i am a good person.what is this possessing me?this passion that has overcome all logic and sense. pure lust?its everything i stand against.shit....... i hate women that do this. yet here i am about to fall head first for him. i know i don't love him but my feelings are welling up and i know myself i will fall for him.
there is something about the way he kisses me and strokes my body the way he touches every inch of my body,creates goosebumps all over my body makes me shiver and tingle and crave for his dick... i know i want him to fuck me it can never be love-making because....... well it just cant. why am i even thinking such thoughts?i need to delete his number and never speak to him again,but he is soo sexy but he is so slick,slick as all hell.but that's not why i wont fuck him,there are so many reasons why. he is so deceptive, carrying around two phones, i act like i don't notice. he tells me, baby when we are together just ignore all those factors. how can i ignore the fact that he is married with a child? i need to stop this before it gets to complicated.
why am i allowing myself to do this?i can stop this before i get hurt.or have i gotten past that point,have i gotten to the point of no return?that point where i have become a terrible person?i shouldn't even have looked at him that night.....something in those green eyes made me give him my number.my girls warned me...."girl he is trouble" i like trouble....but is this worth it?i tell him every time i see him,i cant do this anymore....we cant do this. he says "why are you lying to yourself? you know you want me,we both know it.stop holding yourself back from me". We haven't had sex......Yet. will i? could i possibly?i know i am a good person.what is this possessing me?this passion that has overcome all logic and sense. pure lust?its everything i stand against.shit....... i hate women that do this. yet here i am about to fall head first for him. i know i don't love him but my feelings are welling up and i know myself i will fall for him.
there is something about the way he kisses me and strokes my body the way he touches every inch of my body,creates goosebumps all over my body makes me shiver and tingle and crave for his dick... i know i want him to fuck me it can never be love-making because....... well it just cant. why am i even thinking such thoughts?i need to delete his number and never speak to him again,but he is soo sexy but he is so slick,slick as all hell.but that's not why i wont fuck him,there are so many reasons why. he is so deceptive, carrying around two phones, i act like i don't notice. he tells me, baby when we are together just ignore all those factors. how can i ignore the fact that he is married with a child? i need to stop this before it gets to complicated.
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