its late and i can not sleep. i have been very busy with work. i have been immersing myself in piles and piles of paperwork,things i could pass on to someone else,but i need the distraction. i need something to occupy me otherwise i will begin to feel sorry for myself and lament over how pathetic i am.but that has never been my style.but as it has become apparent, i find myself acting outside of my character a lot these days. have i spoken to her?No i have not. i swallowed my pride,i called her.not once,not twice,many times......borderline creepy.
her cell phone,her house,her work number
.nothing.
all i get are voice mail boxes and stupid assistants telling me to fuck off. i have never been dumped/brushed off in my life so coldly.
fuck.
i am angry,i am hurt and i am kicking myself in the ass. one part of me is telling me to get a grip and move on and stop being a baby,after all we have not been seeing each other very long.there is also another part of me that cant forget so easily.and that part of me wants this thing to at least end in a different manner. the absurdity of the whole situation is just not sitting well with me. i am determined to at least talk to her properly and attempt to sort things out or say good-bye in a more civilized manner.
it is really hard,i miss her,but i find myself wanting to call her and tell her when something odd or funny happens,it hurts even more that i can not tell anyone how hurt i am feeling.i have to just bottle it up inside or share it on this blog. what a sad existence...hiding my 'shame', and suffering in silence...
i cant get over how cruel she was. that was a side of her i never noticed,she doesn't have a mean streak in her.but could she be vindictive? is she one of those people that keep things inside and implode?i am still scratching my head over her outburst.i must admit that i was a bit taken aback and lost for words,not cowardly but you need to understand she is very laid back,reserved and calm,to see her loose her cool like that was albeit bizarre. unexpected. i honestly did not see it coming.....
8 comments:
Overused I know but "still waters do run deep" and I'm not sure if cruel is an accurate description.
I'd leave her alone. I think she had you meet her friends so she could meet yours and so she's likely better prepared to end it than you think.
One can debate the "rightness" of the test but at some point everyone wants an assurance about how invested their partner is.
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this relationship was built on shakey grounds from day 1
thanks for sharing
i learnt a lesson
True, true. Surely she cannot expect you to just suddenly go gay? ANd come out of the proverbial closet? Please. You are having a relationship with her as an individual, not as a SEX. Her wanting, nay, forcing you to be labelled is just selfish.
Where is Soul sef?
Ide
sorry
Diary of a g
i suppose she is not the understanding type...
i dont get it!!
was that lil altercation btwn d both of u worth black listing u?
4 sum1 who claims 2 care so much abt u, her reaction seems 2 be contradicting her words.
i am hopin this whole thing was not some type of a game 2 try 2 see if she could turn a str8 girl gay(ignore this)...my mind runs at a high speed sometimes.
im like agitated by d whole thng.
altho, evrythng i am saying now myt be irrelevant cos i see this post is not so new. maybe u have alread spoken 2 her? have u?
wateva it is luv...u r a beautiful person.
pathetic, u are not!
if d relationship is over, then reminisce on the good times u guys shared.
Hey guys sorry i was not able to give quick replies was being a self pitying twit.but i am over such silly childish behavior. thanks for your kind words.Besos!
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