i had my first bout of jealousy. we were in her apartment going through photographs, she was showing me pictures of her life chronicling from early childhood,gawky preteens,ravishing teen years,college and her early twenties and the present.
her life was set in various backgrounds and locations. she had lived a full and exciting life. In the photographs from her early twenties,there was a face that i started to notice appear more and more, and then more intimate and loving photographs of this woman, the way she was photographed in some shots made me know she was a lover. it was apparent that whoever took those pictures loved her. there was one where she was looking away into the distance and the way the light played on her face and the sun made her brown eyes appear golden, and the wind blowing her hair across her face with a strand sweeping her small lips made her look like Botticelli's Venus. I felt the cold hands of jealousy wrap around my chest. of course i had to know so i casually asked her
"who is this?"
"oh thats 'Sharon'.my ex."
finito.
no extra information. i pried further,
"oh how long did you date.?"
"a couple of years."
i wanted to know more.
"what happened?"
"sweetheart can we not talk about her please. she is the past you are the present."
i shrug my shoulders and keep flipping through the album. silently observing this person. she was stunning i must say, in a very exotic way,i wouldn't call her beautiful, but she was attractive, blond with very sharp cheekbones and slanty eyes,probably some sort of Asian mixed with white.hmmm.tall too like Miss B. very thin,unlike me.
does that mean i am not her usual type? feelings of lacking and insignificance take over me. i sadly put the album away and go sulk in the bedroom. if this "Sharon" person is the past why the hell is she fucking up my present frame of mind?
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14 comments:
Stop
Whatever is making you feel that, you have to immediately stop it
You are here. Right now. that's all that matters.
If she wants to tell you about the other chick she will. But right now... right now.. You are the one she chose to spend her time with. she came looking for you. Not the other way round.
Woman to woman relationships tend to be very intense sometimes and thus the break up is never really nice. It feels worse than a man -woman relationship (sometimes) because you tend to be more open with a woman. and share more of yourself.. inhibitions tend to fall by the wayside..
Anyway, it will stand you in good stead never to be jealous of a ghost, everytime you feel jealous repeat that to yourself.
If she is with you now.. then you are her type now.
Don't start to doubt your fabulousity and Faboulousness
Need I remind you, that she came looking for you..
You could have 3 strands of hair sticking out the side of your temple and 4 buck teeth encased in your mouth.. it don't matter...
She liked what she saw and came to you.
Remember that.
I've dated guys with fabulous ex girlfriends.. I mean really.. girls that I've seen in pics and in real life and thought... GATDAMN! she is beautiful and it made me feel great..
The guy has taste.. I look at thoe girls and think.. of course he would want to be with me..
Honey, you ain't shabby...
Remember that.
the past is the past
Your feelings are understandable
If woman to woman r'ship is more
open.
why not try and let her understand
how you feel
hence she will take away any doubts
in you mind
Jealousy can be unhealthy
don't let it overwhelm you
yawl got a good thing
clear your mind and keep it going
lawd gawd! who is this teacher in blogville called SOUL???(lol)
i swear most of d tym i come on ur blog LN.... and i see soul's comments, i ask myself..."do i really have 2 be leave a comment? cos she just said all i wanted 2 say and more"
same applies 4 2days post...howeva, i gtta say... jealousy in relationships is only natural...with tym it'ld fizzle out...no need 2 sweat it
G is also right 2
It is only natural to feel like the green eyed monster... hold up... step on the breaks and listen to your self... why would you let her peep into your future... we all have pasts, you do too.. embrace your future, there are loads of lessons to be learnt on the way, prepare for them, enjoy all the fun and lessons that come your way... take it one day at a time...
sharon is gone with the wind.... you are here to stay no one said it wont be rough... take it slow and breathe!!!!
I totally understand where you are coming from.. there have been times where an ex of a present partner seems to transcend beyound the past to permeate every facet of a current relationship.. I have certainly been through that.. i had an ex whose girlfriend.. really showed me pepper.. but you have to rise above that.. because more often than not it all takes place in your mind..
I guess this ma 1st tyme here, so, Str8 up...Are Yu A Lesbo?
Soul- thanks for making me feel better about myself.i know i shouldn't be feeling that way but i couldn't help it.
diary of a G- i don't know if i should tell her how i feel because i don't want to come off as this crazy jealous girl.
Im a babe- i wont sweat it babe.
Ms zee- I'm breathing girl,i'm breathing, thanks.
Ijeoma-yeah an ex is a disturbing factor cause they were once loved and obviously they probably still have traits that your partner likes. sigh i need to stop thinking crazy thoughts.
Ugo Daniels- please define this word "lesbo".
lol.. "lesbo" lol
Luving ur blog...so yeah,i could say the past shuldnt be ur future but again we know it's not easy to shut the past out completely...but enjoy the present,it's what counts the most.
Naija Vixen- thanks for stopping by!and the kind words.
update oh!!!!!!!!!!!
Abi update o!lol
It's my first time here and I actually went back to the very beginning and read the whole thing.
Nice blog.
As for the Jealousy issue, things happened. Just think of how MB will react when she sees a pic of you with one of your exes regardless of the fact that they are men.
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