I met her friends for the first time on Friday. it was nice. it was weird. it was weird and nice all at the same time. they are all successful beautiful lesbian women. warm and obviously protective of their friend. they know this is my first relationship with a woman and it was obvious they were skeptical of me,which is understandable. i could be going through a phase and be trying out their friend for size. so of course the initial part of the encounter was awkward as they grilled me, asking me questions about my work,where i went to school( i felt i was at a job interview,but i guess they wanted to be sure i was not trying to suck Miss B dry financially), my culture etc,
but as they noticed that i was of no harm or danger to her or them,they warmed up to me. scary experience. but totally worth it. dinner went well. i knew i had won them over..
when we got back to her place, i was taking my jewelry off and wiping off my eye makeup,while she was in the bathroom running the shower and brushing her hair, suddenly she walks in to the bedroom and faces the mirror i am looking into,so i can see her entire naked body just standing there.i keep my eyes on her and she retains eye contact with me.
"well luminous, what did you think of my friends?"
"oh! i thought they were spectacular! i especially loved Jackie and Laurie,what a beautiful couple,they were very nice,you are blessed to have such friends."
"i know. "
(silence)
i keep on doing what i was doing,then i notice she is still there just staring at me. i turn around.
"why are you looking at me that way?"
"when am i going to meet your friends?"
"uhmmm,soon."
"soon like when? next week? next month?next year?" when?"
"i dont know, when the time is right i will tell them. i just dont feel comfortable yet......"
"oh! i get it now, you are ashamed of me,thats what it is. scared of your secret lesbian fuck? you dont want the world to think you are a dyke? is that what it is?
"what are you going on about? its not even about that! why cant you understand that this isn't easy for me, i want them to meet you but i am scared!"
"then i will make your life easy for you then. please leave.now."
"just like that? just like that you want to end this over my friends?"
"look,i don't need some silly confused straight girl hiding me and keeping me a secret. you mean so much to me and i want to share everything with you, i want to hold your hand in public, but i can not because you wont let me. i have gotten to this point in my life and i do not want to be held back.dont you understand?"
"ok, i guess i will leave now then..."
"fine."
with that she went back into the steaming bathroom and slammed the door,while i packed up what i could and left. wondering if this is really the end or if it just our first fight.
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22 comments:
You joking right??!!! Tell me you didnt pack up and leave, Tell me you made her understand what you are going through, tell me you dont want to end this like that...
Am I missing something??
I guess you have a choice to make.
Nubian,
Why?. How could you be such a coward with the person you care soo much about and yet so brave when you want her understanding.
You owe her at least a better explanation. This isn't just about your comfort, it's about her comfort as well.
If you want her to understand. Make her understand.
But if you feel you have gone as far as you can, then thank her for being good to you and get out of her life.
It was always going to be difficult for her, but do you see that she feels used?. Like all you want her for is sex and nothing else?. Can you see how she feels dirty, because she can show you to her friends but you won't?.
If you want her, then explain to her, gently!. She is a woman just like you.
But if you think this is as far as you are willing to go, then fine leave her alone. Let her be.
wow! i dunno if i am more shocked at soul's comment or at d post. she took it a lil too personal.
howeva, there is some form of truth in her words tho. i dont think u shld have walked out just like that without sayin a word, cos now she'll feel used.
ur human anyways,and i understand y this whole thing is hard on u, so do evrything at ur own pace.
lyk u said, u want 2 be able 2 make ur mistakes and learn from them so ild just keep my fingers crossed 4 u and hope that u make d right choice....wateva u choose 2 do.
let me get my story right, when she met you you were straight? Being a lesbian is not something that you 'always knew' and had time to get used to? Is that the case? In which case she should be a bit more understanding otherwise she also needs to learn to leave straight women alone.
If this is something you aren't prepared to compromise over you will just have to do like she said and leave her and let it be because even if this turns out to be just a fight it will be a continuous fight. You will fight until she outs you.
i concur with LGL.
even tho u were wrong by just walkin out on her like that, Miss B should have been alot more understanding. i mean it's not lyk u guys have been datin for 3 yrs or sumtn.
i feel evrythng was moving sooo fast with u 2, it almost felt like a movie.
or should i say feels lyk a movie
well i can totally understand your feelings.. but at the same time.. if she cares about you.. she must understand that all this is new to you and that you are dealing with it the best you can.. good luck.
i actually meant to say in my first sentence that i could totally understand her feelings..
This matter pass me oh. Na siddon look I dey o!. If na man woman matter ehen I for put mouth but in this particular instance I no get clue. so make I shut up siddon look.
@I'm a babe.. with all due respect.. you do not know the intention behind my words nor the tone in which it was intended.
How do you think I took this personal?.
I have never told nubian-luminous who to be. I've never attempted to tell her what she is or isn't.
I've never viewed what she is sharing on this blog as titilation.
I have Mad respect for her, because she is doing stuff and figuring out like most people that sex and sexuality is not rigid.
This doesn't seem to be a meaningless tale, but more a little snippet into her life and like all of us, sometimes we do things that in hindsight we probably wouldn't have done.
she cares about this person, from the way she has written about Ms B. She's cared about her from jump, right from the beginning. And when you care about people sometimes, you have to stay there and argue or sort it out. Even when it is not within your comfort zone.
They have both stepped out of their comfort zone. Not just luminous.. Ms B has too.
She has invested a heck of a lot of time and patience and care.
She expressed her frustration in that conversation, like most of us would have done. She needed to be re-assured, she needed to be held, she needed to feel that she was valuable. She needed to rant a bit and damnit, she needed her lover to tell her one more time why things were the way they were.
I'm not going to lie to Nubian and say.. ohhh yeah that was cool.. fuck that chick, she don't matter. I've had a good time now I just need to move on.
Fuck that. That's not the way it should be. that's not the way to do things, one doesn't have to burn one's bridges just because you can't be with someone.
And sometimes, sometimes, one really needs to step out of their comfort zone for people you care about.
That is all
has she called u back?
have u called her yet?
i think u still like her. if u do, call her and explain everything from the beginning
soul i dont remember sayin u were wrong or right in ur comment. matta of fact i agreed with u on some aspects of it. i just felt u completely ignored d fact that this whole thing isnt just hard 4 miss B but 2 them both. like u said, they both took chances by steppin outta d box but i believe one's weight is heavier than the other's....that being luminous's.
u just dont lesbian overnight.
heck! even in a heterosexual relationship, it takes time before one feels comfortable enuff 2 introduce his/her lover 2 his/her friend.
after all siad and done, my earlier comment was not made with the intent 2 disrespect or annoy u. i just said what came 2 mind at that point in time.
Na wa o! I siddon de look, dis na nollywood. Better still nollyhollywood.
@I'm a babe..
I don't think I'm right or wrong. Like you I'm just reading and calling it the way I see it at all times I bear in mind that none of these is easy for any of the parties involved.
Are you kidding?. I've acknowledged that this is hard for nubian since the beginning. But it being hard for her does not stop her caring.
I'd hazard at a guess and say she is scared. And rightly so.
But being scared does not stop you from remembering the other party and how they feel.
I really don't know how you can read anything I've written and deduce from it that I completely ignored the fact that whole thing isn't hard for both of them.
See you've decided that it is harder for nubian and I think it is equally hard for both of them. Period.
If the shoe were on the other foot, I'd expect Ms B to sort it out, not because they want to be lovers but because she cares about Nubian. Period.
Of course people don't turn into a Lesbian overnight, but then if you read the nuances of nubian's post, then you would realise that this isn't an overnight thing. The experience might be new...
anyway..this is not my story to tell.
I'll back away now..
Be Well.
soul i hear u!
be well 2 :)
no sweat I'm a babe,
I hear you too. :-)
awwwwww
am a babe and soul
do it
lawl (what am a babe?)lawling
let me go read this thing
wow
you sure agreed quickly
almost like you were waiting for the right chance to leave
I also wonder if this is really the end or yawl first fight
I feel you girl thats some breaking news to tell your friends
good luck
I don't understand. She introduced you to her friends when she knew you were not ready to introduce her to yours. And then, after a wonderful evening meeting her friends, she asks you, as if on cue, a question that surely she already knew the answer to.
Why then did she introduce you to her friends? It is as if it was, in part, a manipulation tactic to put added pressure on you to be more open about your relationship with her.
I think I understand where she is coming from, but did she have to do all this in one night? It does seem a bit contrived, I am sorry to say.
I feel as if she was right to ask about seeing your friends but she should have given you more time to adjust to your feelings. It's not easy to change sexuality. It usually takes weeks, months, and even years for some of them.
wow!
she needed to give you more time!!!
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