route sixty nine

Miss B and i took the day off work yesterday. we packed a picnic basket filled with bagels, pear jelly, honey, Gouda cheese, roast chicken slices, pineapple and watermelon slices, root beers and a bottle of champagne. went to the park and found an isolated spot under a large oak tree and placed a blanket on the grass and lay down staring at the clouds.
i turned and looked at her, this woman that i am taking this narrow road with. noticing the way her dark eyes looked almost amber when the sun shone through them. and the flawlessness of her tan skin and her smooth body. the way her chest heaved when she breathed and lifted those fantastic orbs into my vision. her short dress raised up so i could see her inner thigh and a glance of her white lacy knickers peeking and begging to come fully into sight from underneath her yellow sun dress. i got so turned on just looking at how beautiful she is and how sexy she is even when she isn't trying to be, with no makeup and hair loose and wild; i had to have her right there and then. the thought that someone might find our little hideout did not cross my mind well it made the idea seem even more erotic. i placed my hands on her thighs and started to stroke them till my hands reached the edge of her knickers. i moved them to one side and placed my fingers on her clit and felt her get wet at my touch. she started to moan which turned me on even more, i rubbed and stroked her like i had never before... she pulled me on top of her and kissed me hard and roughly pushed my cotton skirt up and grabbed and squeezed my ass. i could sense that she was hungry for me just as much as i was for her. she placed her fingers in me while i still stimulated her clit,we looked into each others eyes and i knew what that look meant. i spun around and right there and then we perform oral sex on each other otherwise known as 69. yummy.....
when we took each other high and above, i rolled off her and looked at each other and started laughing,for no reason other than the fact that we did that in the freaking park where anyone could have seen us. she opened the bottle of champagne and we proceeded to drink and eat and talk about every and anything.
during the drive back home while she stared out of the window and i drove, i knew that i wanted to be with her.and not just as a fling but be with her properly.. i dont know if that makes sense but she makes me feel so....real.......so........ wonderful and alive....no man had made me feel like i was his equal. it feels so right being with her. its days like this that makes the guilt and shame and issues seem non existent. i am happy....

guilt chewing on my heart and creating a heavy heat within me,is it really guilt at my actions or perhaps the shame of being viewed differently? whatever it is,i almost feel like i need a slice of flesh carved out in order to release this painful feeling in my chest.

i like your ways...

i like the way you kiss me and touch me and stroke me.
i like the way your hands travel over my regions exploring every inch of my body,
i like the way you whisper sweet nothings and filthy words into my ears
i like the way your moist lips brush against my ears when you tell me how you want to fuck me,
i like the way you can make me wet with just words,
i like the way your mouth feels on my neck,breasts,thighs, pussy.
i like the way your warm tongue flicks over my clit.
i like the way you touch my ass, stroke my ass, grab my ass,tap my ass.
i like the way your hands have the power to control my body and find places within me i didn't know existed.
i like the way you make me scream while you tickle my g-spot and i arch my back in pleasure.
i like the way you look surprised when i push you downwards and torture you the way you do me.
i like the way your body shakes and your thighs vibrate while i taste you,
i like the way you moan and groan while i take you high,
i love the way you have convulsions and dig your nails into my back when you orgasm.
i love the way you are when you are satisfied but yet insatiable.
i love the way your hair trails onto my stomach as you head downwards for more.

breaking the speed limit

the dynamics of dating someone within the same sex as you is different,well for me they are. there were certain rules and guidelines i followed when i dated a guy,you know...... play hard to get, the phone games, making him wait for it blah blah blah,but with a woman it seems easier. its apparent you both like and want each other and all those games are non-existent.
is that good or bad? or am i so used to playing mind games that the lack of it is frightening?
Relationships between women(this is all my own perception) seem to move rather fast. since there are no games involved, and discussing feelings isn't a scary topic,what each other want is done with immediacy. i leave my stuff at her place without feeling like i am imposing or being too "forward". she leaves stuff at mine and i don't freak out and feel claustrophobic like i normally would. and obviously... sex. Sex is not something that was held back on. and this makes me wonder if that is the reason our relationship catapulted from dating to coupledom in a very brief period of time.
as comfortable as i am getting, i can not help but feel that there needs to be some boundaries in this relationship, otherwise i am going to lose all sense of self. the other day she suggested that in a couple months i should move in with her or better yet we should get a place together...hmmmm now that is something i would never do with a man especially in the beginning of a relationship.
but is that normal when women date?
they move in together,so soon? i love my space and independence,but i cant help but wonder whether it is what is expected?
its all too much to take in. i mean i love spending time with her but i must be honest i don't know too much about her, in other relationships i took things slow and steady, yet here i am practically living with her and acting completely out of my character. but then again i completely stepped out of my comfort zone by dating her but should i throw away all the other things i once believed in just because my new lover is woman? do the rules still apply or were they rubbish in the first place?
would my lesbian lover understand that i want to bring in those aspects of my heterosexual life into her homosexual world?
.........sigh..... questions......questions..... questions.......

The Bottecelli Venus

i had my first bout of jealousy. we were in her apartment going through photographs, she was showing me pictures of her life chronicling from early childhood,gawky preteens,ravishing teen years,college and her early twenties and the present.
her life was set in various backgrounds and locations. she had lived a full and exciting life. In the photographs from her early twenties,there was a face that i started to notice appear more and more, and then more intimate and loving photographs of this woman, the way she was photographed in some shots made me know she was a lover. it was apparent that whoever took those pictures loved her. there was one where she was looking away into the distance and the way the light played on her face and the sun made her brown eyes appear golden, and the wind blowing her hair across her face with a strand sweeping her small lips made her look like Botticelli's Venus. I felt the cold hands of jealousy wrap around my chest. of course i had to know so i casually asked her
"who is this?"
"oh thats 'Sharon'.my ex."
finito.
no extra information. i pried further,
"oh how long did you date.?"
"a couple of years."
i wanted to know more.
"what happened?"
"sweetheart can we not talk about her please. she is the past you are the present."
i shrug my shoulders and keep flipping through the album. silently observing this person. she was stunning i must say, in a very exotic way,i wouldn't call her beautiful, but she was attractive, blond with very sharp cheekbones and slanty eyes,probably some sort of Asian mixed with white.hmmm.tall too like Miss B. very thin,unlike me.
does that mean i am not her usual type? feelings of lacking and insignificance take over me. i sadly put the album away and go sulk in the bedroom. if this "Sharon" person is the past why the hell is she fucking up my present frame of mind?

Das Leban der Anderen

I saw the most amazing movie ever last night. i have to say its the best thing i have watched all year,considering i have been dragged to see every blockbuster piece of rubbish that has been released from the torture of The Reaping to the confusion and mild amusement at Blades of Glory my brain could not take such rubbish anymore.
so i finally satisfied my craving for a fucking good movie and saw.....no it was not that superhero flick Spider man 3 people are wasting money on, it was a movie called The Lives of others. Also known as : "Das Leben der Anderen" brilliant stuff people!! go see it!! its German and i can not believe that this was under my nose the whole time and i saw so much crap this year. i know i am not a movie critic nor is that what i would normally blog about but this movie was awesome. okay enough of that.

friendly interview

i just got back from seeing the girls and believe me it was like torture,i have never seen them so hungry for gossip.the questions went like this:
"who is he?"(general question)
"someone we know?"
"what does he do?"
"where is he from?"
"is he older?"
"younger?"
"why do you look so fucking smug?"
"did you get a facial?you are glowing!"
"are you fucking him?"
"is the sex good?"

it was at that moment that i realized that as worldly and experienced the three of them are, they are not ready for that kind of bombshell (nor am i willing to share), regardless of how successful, beautiful and intelligent this person is.they will be shocked and disturbed.
i know they love me,but it wont be fair to do this to them,therefore i lied and cooked up a story for them about a new guy i just started seeing.
apparently i look happy and they were all laughing at me for hiding him,convinced "he" must be hideous. but yet they want to meet him, i told them when the time is right,don't want to jump ahead of myself (what i liar i am).
now i am in the predicament of following my lie.what have i put myself into?oh well.
(dinner was delicious non the less,i had a steak to curb any future cravings for meat)