Muddle

Its four in the morning,he just left,i know where he is going,we both know it.but i say nothing.
why am i allowing myself to do this?i can stop this before i get hurt.or have i gotten past that point,have i gotten to the point of no return?that point where i have become a terrible person?i shouldn't even have looked at him that night.....something in those green eyes made me give him my number.my girls warned me...."girl he is trouble" i like trouble....but is this worth it?i tell him every time i see him,i cant do this anymore....we cant do this. he says "why are you lying to yourself? you know you want me,we both know it.stop holding yourself back from me". We haven't had sex......Yet. will i? could i possibly?i know i am a good person.what is this possessing me?this passion that has overcome all logic and sense. pure lust?its everything i stand against.shit....... i hate women that do this. yet here i am about to fall head first for him. i know i don't love him but my feelings are welling up and i know myself i will fall for him.
there is something about the way he kisses me and strokes my body the way he touches every inch of my body,creates goosebumps all over my body makes me shiver and tingle and crave for his dick... i know i want him to fuck me it can never be love-making because....... well it just cant. why am i even thinking such thoughts?i need to delete his number and never speak to him again,but he is soo sexy but he is so slick,slick as all hell.but that's not why i wont fuck him,there are so many reasons why. he is so deceptive, carrying around two phones, i act like i don't notice. he tells me, baby when we are together just ignore all those factors. how can i ignore the fact that he is married with a child? i need to stop this before it gets to complicated.