the dynamics of dating someone within the same sex as you is different,well for me they are. there were certain rules and guidelines i followed when i dated a guy,you know...... play hard to get, the phone games, making him wait for it blah blah blah,but with a woman it seems easier. its apparent you both like and want each other and all those games are non-existent.
is that good or bad? or am i so used to playing mind games that the lack of it is frightening?
Relationships between women(this is all my own perception) seem to move rather fast. since there are no games involved, and discussing feelings isn't a scary topic,what each other want is done with immediacy. i leave my stuff at her place without feeling like i am imposing or being too "forward". she leaves stuff at mine and i don't freak out and feel claustrophobic like i normally would. and obviously... sex. Sex is not something that was held back on. and this makes me wonder if that is the reason our relationship catapulted from dating to coupledom in a very brief period of time.
as comfortable as i am getting, i can not help but feel that there needs to be some boundaries in this relationship, otherwise i am going to lose all sense of self. the other day she suggested that in a couple months i should move in with her or better yet we should get a place together...hmmmm now that is something i would never do with a man especially in the beginning of a relationship.
but is that normal when women date?
they move in together,so soon? i love my space and independence,but i cant help but wonder whether it is what is expected?
its all too much to take in. i mean i love spending time with her but i must be honest i don't know too much about her, in other relationships i took things slow and steady, yet here i am practically living with her and acting completely out of my character. but then again i completely stepped out of my comfort zone by dating her but should i throw away all the other things i once believed in just because my new lover is woman? do the rules still apply or were they rubbish in the first place?
would my lesbian lover understand that i want to bring in those aspects of my heterosexual life into her homosexual world?
.........sigh..... questions......questions..... questions.......
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9 comments:
Obviously this is going to be hard for you because you're not used to it but in relationships, in general, if something seems a little forward, take a deep breath and examine the situation at hand.
No matter what, homosexual relationships will still have things in common with heterosexual relationships.
Maybe she is just comfortable enough to know what she wants from you. It is probably a sign of commitment on her path. It is for you to accept, reject or delay it. She will also want you to be comfortable with her pace of commitment.
Dynamics to a point nubian. all to a point.
Woman to woman relationships move at the speed of light..
there's a very popular saying which goes something like this..
go clubbing on Friday, meet a girl.. date on saturday, declare love on Sunday, move in by monday
It feels crazy doesn't it?. Having little to no boundaries..
Not having to play some silly game in order to prove how much you should be respected.
~Meeting someone and knowing that you want to be intimate with them immediately, but NOT having to play the waiting game just because most guys value you based on that.
~Not having to hold back on what you do in bed, because your freakiness is not only catered to but appreciated and indulged.
~being actually listened to and your having your opinion matter, instead of being dismissed as some nitwit who doesn't have a clue.
it's like having someone really look at you , isn't it.
It's like having someone actually stop. Take a step back and actually see you. You the person.. not you the object, not your beauty, not the control...
Just you, as the person you actually are.. and fucking digging that person you are like crazy...
Damn what a rush lol...
What a rush.
And Nubian.... you are fucking scared, I bet you feel like a surfer riding the crest of a tidal tidal wave.
the wave is rising too fast, but you sure are loving the ride.
you wonder.. how can it be dangerous, if the ride is soo good.. you wanna just 'free-ride' it, see how far this wave can take you, you relinquish yourself to it and let it take you higher and higher...
Nubian... as much as you don't want to rock the boat.
You must. The dream is good, th wave is good.. but you must ride the middle of it, before it crashes.
Don't make a big deal out of it, but if this is too fast for you, which you think it is, then you need to draw the line.
don't be scared to say what you are not comfortable with, but be careful the way you say it.
Let her know that you want to maintain seperate accomodation because it's what you've always done and you are not ready to change it.
Remember how she told you her ex was not up for discussion and you respected that?.
Let her know that this is not up for discussion and she should respect it.
Nubian, your lover has to accept and understand that you bring things to the table just like she does.
She has had to seperate her world away from the constant ripping and shredding of her dignity by people just because of her sexuality..
Asking her to step back into that defensive, insecure, judgemental world is going to be difficult. Extremely difficult and something which she will not want to do.
It's something she removed herself from a long time ago. Something she doesn't really have to deal with...
It's ugly, and she definitely doesn't want to be there anymore..
But you are there. you are in a world where you would have to fight to love her, where everyone stares at you for simply being together, where she as your lover will want to and have to protect you constantly from the heart stabbing and constant degradation that many will show you for simply loving someone of the same gender.
I could go on, but from the outside looking in, I think I've said enough
Gosh, Nubian.. I've think I'm finally going to have to accept what I didn't want to accept.
I no longer feel comfortable commenting on your blog, for a number of reasons.
First it's completely unfair to you. It'This is your now. you feel me. It's your now. you have to live it.
Secondly, there's too much to say and this comment box just doesn't seem the place to do it. (for one it gets incredibly long).
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO soul!!! dont go away!! i need your insight.otherwise i am just a lost child roaming around completely clueless!!!! i read your words with hunger and fervor. dont go away....pretty please.:)
I feel the same way soul feels. I have sooo much I think I should share with you but I think I need to hold back...
for me i think you said is best when you said the rules "were rubbish in the first place"
moving in?
am getting sent to the store
gotta go
LN...when it comes 2 relationships, i dont THINK there are any homesexual or heterosexual rules.
JUST DO YOU HUN
Nubian haba.. go enjoy yourself jare :D lol
you don't need anybody and certinly not me.
But you and I know that sometimes, answers provided by someone else are answers that we don't own. We make the decision and still feel like it was made for us.
Anyway, i'm not abandoning you, and I doubt ms Zee is going to do that.. I'll still read you, but on somethings.. you might have to email me.
intersting.. the way i see it.. there need be no boundaries as long as you are comfortable with the current situation. abi.. you are enjoying her as she is you.. You need not erect boundaries..
and the seperation of the homosexual from the heterosexual takes place only in your mind... for me the differences lies only in the sexual organs at play. I think you seperate the two, because you are still quite uncomfortable with your sexuality and your current expression of it. Once you stop conceiving it as not "normal" or out of the ordinary.. (whatever that means) then perhaps you will cease to seperate the two.. good luck!
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