My mother has been visiting so you know that had to be weird and uncomfortable. soon after settling into my apartment and literally taking over every inch of my bathroom and bedroom....
she proceeded to inquire about my love life or lack thereof, and like a typical Nigerian woman she told me that i better find a nice Nigerian boy soon because my shelf life was expiring.....
i looked at her and asked her why she didn't do the same, after all dad is not Nigerian. she said
"well i married for love. if i was smarter i would have found a nice rich society boy"
all this said with a straight face. that woman na wa for her. sometimes i wonder if she really is my mother!
the pressure to get married and move back home started right after i finished university while most other parents were telling their children to expand their cv's and go to graduate school my annoying mother and aunties were telling me to find husband and stop dating all these "foreigners". as if finding some rich wanker will solve all my life problems. my mother interjects that i wont have to worry about money, the way she goes on you would think that my father was a pauper. but i think all her new Lagos society friends are influencing her way of thinking, all of a sudden she want to wear the most expensive lace and have a different set of jewelry every weekend for a different wedding she just "has" to attend. its getting quite tiresome. so having her in my apartment for the past ten days on top of hiding my girlfriend from her...
of course i couldnt do that to her!
....actually it might be funny but i decided to spare her the heart attack. i have been consoling Miss B which in its self is getting irritating.
i have had it.
this is getting exhausting, i cant wait for my mother to leave my house! and soon!
otherwise i will actually loose my marbles!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
i am infatuated with someone...
this is very unlike me to be having a crush at my age .....but for some reason i have the biggest high school crush on one of the artists that we are interested in showing his work, my lord! he is beautiful and sexy. you know how a man is when he is so sure of himself and confident? borderline cocky but oh! so sexy! yeah i am silly and i cant even help myself from blushing like an idiot whenever i speak to him. i remember the first time i met him i could not tear my eyes off his lips, he kept talking and i was just looking at him.thinking damn! your parents did good!
his work is fantastic, i have managed to slow down the timing and process of having his art in the gallery,all the more reason to have him come in.
he is African-American, a beautiful shade of brown, with long dreadlocks, a face that is so symetrical
lips, body, eyes...gawd! he is fine...ok enough of that, i think i just need some dick in my life right about now.
how have you guys been?
this is very unlike me to be having a crush at my age .....but for some reason i have the biggest high school crush on one of the artists that we are interested in showing his work, my lord! he is beautiful and sexy. you know how a man is when he is so sure of himself and confident? borderline cocky but oh! so sexy! yeah i am silly and i cant even help myself from blushing like an idiot whenever i speak to him. i remember the first time i met him i could not tear my eyes off his lips, he kept talking and i was just looking at him.thinking damn! your parents did good!
his work is fantastic, i have managed to slow down the timing and process of having his art in the gallery,all the more reason to have him come in.
he is African-American, a beautiful shade of brown, with long dreadlocks, a face that is so symetrical
lips, body, eyes...gawd! he is fine...ok enough of that, i think i just need some dick in my life right about now.
how have you guys been?
Monday, July 23, 2007
going forward backwards
After that night of make up sex,we spent the entire weekend in bed. making love and fucking. i don't know which i like better,but i like both! we talked about everything. how she felt,how i felt. i was not one hundred percent upfront about telling my friends though. i told her with time.when in all honesty i do not plan on telling them,but then again isn't that deceiving my self?how long can i hide her?
besides that we had fun, she made me cook her jollof rice and stew. see this oyinbo o! she ate it with relish and made little comments like i cant wait to come to Africa if the food is this good...(that one i smiled while choking on my rice) but i humored her and said of course babes, when the time is right. i don't like it when she talks about the future in such a casual manner. i don't think she realizes the culture i come from will not even comprehend our relationship talk less of my mother,my father might be more accommodating,since we all know that his cousin is a closet queen, with his farce of a marriage.
back to the point, we settled everything and now we are just going to take things slow in regards to the public thing,till i can deal with the idea better. she was being very accommodating and understanding with the new terms of our relationship i must say and i felt bad because i know that i am making her go backwards in her life,all the things she has had to deal with and having reached a point in her life where she can be open about who she is and here i am making her revert to an early part in her life where her sexuality was a shameful thing to be hidden.i hate doing this to her,but it is also her choice,she could have always stayed away,but she chose to come back knowing all the issues she would have to deal with. i am not ready to rearrange my own life to satisfy her right now,as selfish as that sounds, its me looking out for me. gosh i sound so selfish....
besides that we had fun, she made me cook her jollof rice and stew. see this oyinbo o! she ate it with relish and made little comments like i cant wait to come to Africa if the food is this good...(that one i smiled while choking on my rice) but i humored her and said of course babes, when the time is right. i don't like it when she talks about the future in such a casual manner. i don't think she realizes the culture i come from will not even comprehend our relationship talk less of my mother,my father might be more accommodating,since we all know that his cousin is a closet queen, with his farce of a marriage.
back to the point, we settled everything and now we are just going to take things slow in regards to the public thing,till i can deal with the idea better. she was being very accommodating and understanding with the new terms of our relationship i must say and i felt bad because i know that i am making her go backwards in her life,all the things she has had to deal with and having reached a point in her life where she can be open about who she is and here i am making her revert to an early part in her life where her sexuality was a shameful thing to be hidden.i hate doing this to her,but it is also her choice,she could have always stayed away,but she chose to come back knowing all the issues she would have to deal with. i am not ready to rearrange my own life to satisfy her right now,as selfish as that sounds, its me looking out for me. gosh i sound so selfish....
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
la petit mort
we made love that evening.slow and gentle. soft and tender. passionate and intense. i cried. i have never cried during sex before but the emotions i had held bottled in and intense feelings brought tears to my eyes. i didn't realize i was tearing up until she looked into my eyes and wiped my cheeks and then she started kissing my face while she penetrated me with her hands. deep and long thrusts that rubbed my walls and stroked my G- spot. she kept kissing me and looking into my eyes as she did this, then she pulled me upwards so that our legs were wrapped around each other and we both had access to each other.we fucked each other in the same rhythm slow at first and then faster and faster till she came first, she came strong and hard,her body was quivering,yet she still kept pumping into me till i felt a warm rush and tingles all over my body and then i came soon after.
with dew-like sweat shrouding our flesh we kept on going with no recovery period,our hunger for each other preventing us from stopping,i could not get enough of her.
she turned me around and started fucking me from the back it was not long till i shuddered with ecstasy. i moved to the edge of the bed and knelt down and pulled her legs around my neck roughly. buried my head into the middle of her thighs and licked and drank in all of her. she was withering,moaning and groaning...but i wanted to make her come hard, so i placed a finger in her while i ate her, her legs began to shake, i used another finger to stroke her perineum. she started to thrash and shake and kept muttering in that sexy voice "oh fuck...oh fuck.."and came hard and strong clenching her thighs hard together, i felt the waves take over her lithe body. i pulled away and watched her recover from her petit mort.
i climbed back onto the bed and gazed at her. taking in all of her flawlessness, her body is so fascinating,so beautiful with all the right curves. her skin is so beautifully olive and soft. her hair is wavy and amazing even though she wishes it was curly like mine. her legs are so long and blemish free. her stomach flat and firm from those yoga classes she attends religiously.
she notices me watching her and makes a bashful lame effort to cover her breasts before my eyes went there. i smile and remove her hands, replace them with mine and proceed to rub her nipples till they got hard again and then i got turned on again and started sucking on her breasts, she pulls me up and laughs,"your insatiable today?!" i nod and continue. she moves and gets up.pulls my hands and leads me to the bathroom. "lets have a shower, i feel sticky"she said.
i smile.... she turns on the shower we go in and before i know it we are at it again, fucking each other hard. her breasts pressed against mine her thighs rubbing against mine, then she turns me around and pressed me against the shower wall, knelt down and ate me out from the back. i don't know if it is the water or the heat but it felt so amazing having her lips on me that way.i pulled her up and we face each other and just kiss and touch each other, we start to rub each others clits till we both have orgasms almost simultaneously. we wash each other up, step out,wipe each other off. put on some old t-shirts and make eggs.....
with dew-like sweat shrouding our flesh we kept on going with no recovery period,our hunger for each other preventing us from stopping,i could not get enough of her.
she turned me around and started fucking me from the back it was not long till i shuddered with ecstasy. i moved to the edge of the bed and knelt down and pulled her legs around my neck roughly. buried my head into the middle of her thighs and licked and drank in all of her. she was withering,moaning and groaning...but i wanted to make her come hard, so i placed a finger in her while i ate her, her legs began to shake, i used another finger to stroke her perineum. she started to thrash and shake and kept muttering in that sexy voice "oh fuck...oh fuck.."and came hard and strong clenching her thighs hard together, i felt the waves take over her lithe body. i pulled away and watched her recover from her petit mort.
i climbed back onto the bed and gazed at her. taking in all of her flawlessness, her body is so fascinating,so beautiful with all the right curves. her skin is so beautifully olive and soft. her hair is wavy and amazing even though she wishes it was curly like mine. her legs are so long and blemish free. her stomach flat and firm from those yoga classes she attends religiously.
she notices me watching her and makes a bashful lame effort to cover her breasts before my eyes went there. i smile and remove her hands, replace them with mine and proceed to rub her nipples till they got hard again and then i got turned on again and started sucking on her breasts, she pulls me up and laughs,"your insatiable today?!" i nod and continue. she moves and gets up.pulls my hands and leads me to the bathroom. "lets have a shower, i feel sticky"she said.
i smile.... she turns on the shower we go in and before i know it we are at it again, fucking each other hard. her breasts pressed against mine her thighs rubbing against mine, then she turns me around and pressed me against the shower wall, knelt down and ate me out from the back. i don't know if it is the water or the heat but it felt so amazing having her lips on me that way.i pulled her up and we face each other and just kiss and touch each other, we start to rub each others clits till we both have orgasms almost simultaneously. we wash each other up, step out,wipe each other off. put on some old t-shirts and make eggs.....
Monday, July 9, 2007
lavender, vanilla and those orange blossoms
on Friday at work, as i was trying to be keep myself busy,i got a knock on my door, Emily the girl that works at the front of the gallery came in to tell me that i had a visitor. i looked at my appointment book with a scowl,it was almost lunch time,i wasn't trying to see anyone, and i was hoping that ghastly French lady wasn't here yet! she wasn't meant to come in till 2! with a frown on my face i trudge to the reception waiting area,and who do i see there?
her. miss beautiful sitting there.just looking at me. looking adorable, i invited her into my office. what did she want? after ignoring my efforts for that long she had the audacity to come to my office. i kept quiet, and let her talk. conversation went like this.
MB: baby i am so sorry
LN: sorry for what? for making me look like a fool? calling you like a desperate fool? why are you sorry.what do you want?
MB: baby i didn't want to ignore you,i just didn't have anything nice to say to you then,and i care about you too much to say hurtful things to you.i needed to work things out for myself too.
LN: you still did not answer my question. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MB: i want you back in my life luminous. please. you are so special to me. i love being with you. you make me happy and i know i overreacted. i have never been with a woman that did not feel proud of me. i also think it hurt me so much because i am falling for you. i thought that by avoiding you i would get over it.but the more that i stayed away.the more i missed you and realized that you are all that i want.
LN: i missed you too! never do that to me again.
i grabbed her and hugged her and buried my face in her hair and inhaled those orange blossom, lavender and vanilla scent that floats around her. she pulled away and apologized again and i did too. she hushed me and told me not to worry,she wont pressure me. in my own time. she kissed me and told me that she will come to my place later in the evening........
her. miss beautiful sitting there.just looking at me. looking adorable, i invited her into my office. what did she want? after ignoring my efforts for that long she had the audacity to come to my office. i kept quiet, and let her talk. conversation went like this.
MB: baby i am so sorry
LN: sorry for what? for making me look like a fool? calling you like a desperate fool? why are you sorry.what do you want?
MB: baby i didn't want to ignore you,i just didn't have anything nice to say to you then,and i care about you too much to say hurtful things to you.i needed to work things out for myself too.
LN: you still did not answer my question. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
MB: i want you back in my life luminous. please. you are so special to me. i love being with you. you make me happy and i know i overreacted. i have never been with a woman that did not feel proud of me. i also think it hurt me so much because i am falling for you. i thought that by avoiding you i would get over it.but the more that i stayed away.the more i missed you and realized that you are all that i want.
LN: i missed you too! never do that to me again.
i grabbed her and hugged her and buried my face in her hair and inhaled those orange blossom, lavender and vanilla scent that floats around her. she pulled away and apologized again and i did too. she hushed me and told me not to worry,she wont pressure me. in my own time. she kissed me and told me that she will come to my place later in the evening........
Friday, June 29, 2007
bleak
its late and i can not sleep. i have been very busy with work. i have been immersing myself in piles and piles of paperwork,things i could pass on to someone else,but i need the distraction. i need something to occupy me otherwise i will begin to feel sorry for myself and lament over how pathetic i am.but that has never been my style.but as it has become apparent, i find myself acting outside of my character a lot these days. have i spoken to her?No i have not. i swallowed my pride,i called her.not once,not twice,many times......borderline creepy.
her cell phone,her house,her work number
.nothing.
all i get are voice mail boxes and stupid assistants telling me to fuck off. i have never been dumped/brushed off in my life so coldly.
fuck.
i am angry,i am hurt and i am kicking myself in the ass. one part of me is telling me to get a grip and move on and stop being a baby,after all we have not been seeing each other very long.there is also another part of me that cant forget so easily.and that part of me wants this thing to at least end in a different manner. the absurdity of the whole situation is just not sitting well with me. i am determined to at least talk to her properly and attempt to sort things out or say good-bye in a more civilized manner.
it is really hard,i miss her,but i find myself wanting to call her and tell her when something odd or funny happens,it hurts even more that i can not tell anyone how hurt i am feeling.i have to just bottle it up inside or share it on this blog. what a sad existence...hiding my 'shame', and suffering in silence...
i cant get over how cruel she was. that was a side of her i never noticed,she doesn't have a mean streak in her.but could she be vindictive? is she one of those people that keep things inside and implode?i am still scratching my head over her outburst.i must admit that i was a bit taken aback and lost for words,not cowardly but you need to understand she is very laid back,reserved and calm,to see her loose her cool like that was albeit bizarre. unexpected. i honestly did not see it coming.....
her cell phone,her house,her work number
.nothing.
all i get are voice mail boxes and stupid assistants telling me to fuck off. i have never been dumped/brushed off in my life so coldly.
fuck.
i am angry,i am hurt and i am kicking myself in the ass. one part of me is telling me to get a grip and move on and stop being a baby,after all we have not been seeing each other very long.there is also another part of me that cant forget so easily.and that part of me wants this thing to at least end in a different manner. the absurdity of the whole situation is just not sitting well with me. i am determined to at least talk to her properly and attempt to sort things out or say good-bye in a more civilized manner.
it is really hard,i miss her,but i find myself wanting to call her and tell her when something odd or funny happens,it hurts even more that i can not tell anyone how hurt i am feeling.i have to just bottle it up inside or share it on this blog. what a sad existence...hiding my 'shame', and suffering in silence...
i cant get over how cruel she was. that was a side of her i never noticed,she doesn't have a mean streak in her.but could she be vindictive? is she one of those people that keep things inside and implode?i am still scratching my head over her outburst.i must admit that i was a bit taken aback and lost for words,not cowardly but you need to understand she is very laid back,reserved and calm,to see her loose her cool like that was albeit bizarre. unexpected. i honestly did not see it coming.....
Monday, June 18, 2007
pandoras box opens
I met her friends for the first time on Friday. it was nice. it was weird. it was weird and nice all at the same time. they are all successful beautiful lesbian women. warm and obviously protective of their friend. they know this is my first relationship with a woman and it was obvious they were skeptical of me,which is understandable. i could be going through a phase and be trying out their friend for size. so of course the initial part of the encounter was awkward as they grilled me, asking me questions about my work,where i went to school( i felt i was at a job interview,but i guess they wanted to be sure i was not trying to suck Miss B dry financially), my culture etc,
but as they noticed that i was of no harm or danger to her or them,they warmed up to me. scary experience. but totally worth it. dinner went well. i knew i had won them over..
when we got back to her place, i was taking my jewelry off and wiping off my eye makeup,while she was in the bathroom running the shower and brushing her hair, suddenly she walks in to the bedroom and faces the mirror i am looking into,so i can see her entire naked body just standing there.i keep my eyes on her and she retains eye contact with me.
"well luminous, what did you think of my friends?"
"oh! i thought they were spectacular! i especially loved Jackie and Laurie,what a beautiful couple,they were very nice,you are blessed to have such friends."
"i know. "
(silence)
i keep on doing what i was doing,then i notice she is still there just staring at me. i turn around.
"why are you looking at me that way?"
"when am i going to meet your friends?"
"uhmmm,soon."
"soon like when? next week? next month?next year?" when?"
"i dont know, when the time is right i will tell them. i just dont feel comfortable yet......"
"oh! i get it now, you are ashamed of me,thats what it is. scared of your secret lesbian fuck? you dont want the world to think you are a dyke? is that what it is?
"what are you going on about? its not even about that! why cant you understand that this isn't easy for me, i want them to meet you but i am scared!"
"then i will make your life easy for you then. please leave.now."
"just like that? just like that you want to end this over my friends?"
"look,i don't need some silly confused straight girl hiding me and keeping me a secret. you mean so much to me and i want to share everything with you, i want to hold your hand in public, but i can not because you wont let me. i have gotten to this point in my life and i do not want to be held back.dont you understand?"
"ok, i guess i will leave now then..."
"fine."
with that she went back into the steaming bathroom and slammed the door,while i packed up what i could and left. wondering if this is really the end or if it just our first fight.
but as they noticed that i was of no harm or danger to her or them,they warmed up to me. scary experience. but totally worth it. dinner went well. i knew i had won them over..
when we got back to her place, i was taking my jewelry off and wiping off my eye makeup,while she was in the bathroom running the shower and brushing her hair, suddenly she walks in to the bedroom and faces the mirror i am looking into,so i can see her entire naked body just standing there.i keep my eyes on her and she retains eye contact with me.
"well luminous, what did you think of my friends?"
"oh! i thought they were spectacular! i especially loved Jackie and Laurie,what a beautiful couple,they were very nice,you are blessed to have such friends."
"i know. "
(silence)
i keep on doing what i was doing,then i notice she is still there just staring at me. i turn around.
"why are you looking at me that way?"
"when am i going to meet your friends?"
"uhmmm,soon."
"soon like when? next week? next month?next year?" when?"
"i dont know, when the time is right i will tell them. i just dont feel comfortable yet......"
"oh! i get it now, you are ashamed of me,thats what it is. scared of your secret lesbian fuck? you dont want the world to think you are a dyke? is that what it is?
"what are you going on about? its not even about that! why cant you understand that this isn't easy for me, i want them to meet you but i am scared!"
"then i will make your life easy for you then. please leave.now."
"just like that? just like that you want to end this over my friends?"
"look,i don't need some silly confused straight girl hiding me and keeping me a secret. you mean so much to me and i want to share everything with you, i want to hold your hand in public, but i can not because you wont let me. i have gotten to this point in my life and i do not want to be held back.dont you understand?"
"ok, i guess i will leave now then..."
"fine."
with that she went back into the steaming bathroom and slammed the door,while i packed up what i could and left. wondering if this is really the end or if it just our first fight.
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